Taco Bell and Jesus

I haven’t guest posted on anyone else’s blog in a while, but when one of the kindest people I have met on-line asks for help I couldn’t say no.

Jessica Bowman blogs over at www.bohemianbowmans.com about faith, parenting, unschooling (which I still can’t quite grasp), Compassion International, and a lot of other things. I appreciate her love for Jesus and her desire to walk by faith.

I wrote about how a recent trip to a fast-food restaurant taught me an important lesson.

You can read “Taco Bell and Jesus” by clicking HERE!

And while you are there look around at some of her posts, find out about why they are moving from Georgia to Canada, and maybe even become a subscriber. Also, you can follow her on twitter by looking for @BohemianBowman.

Possible Copycats of Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter is a movie (based on a book by the same name) set to be released on June 22nd. It tells the untold “true” story of Abraham Lincoln’s fight against vampires. The more I hear about the movie/book, the more I am intrigued by it.

It also looks like an absolute, sure-fire hit. Which means there are bound to be copycats of it in the future.

That’s right–there will be more untold “true” stories of former presidents coming our way on the big screen. Look for these over the next few years at a theater near you.

1. George Washington: Amway Salesman. The story of how George Washington went from our beloved first president to someone everyone avoids.

2. William Howard Taft: Sandwich Artist. William Howard Taft is regarded as the heaviest president in history. This movie tells how this happened. Hint: he liked sandwiches.

3. Gerald Ford: Cabbage Enthusiast. Ford was to the cabbage industry what Eisenhower was to the interstate system and Kennedy was to the space program.

4. Theodore Roosevelt: Pet Detective. Long before Ace Ventura came on the scene, Roosevelt used the full power of the Oval Office to find lost pets from sea to shining sea.

5. Jimmy Carter: Dental Hygienist. Those pretty teeth are no accident.

6. Rutherford B. Hayes: President. The untold story of how Hayes really was the President of the United States even though no one ever remembers him.

7. Bill Clinton: Waffle House Grill Cook. Bill Clinton was President; Bubba Clinton worked the weekend night shift at Waffle House. They were the same person!

8. Thomas Jefferson: Spoon Player. He would not have been the diplomat that he was without his ability to wow the other world leaders with his spoon playing skills.

9. Richard Nixon: Alpaca Farmer. His alpacas didn’t care whether or not he was a crook as long as they were well-fed.

10. James K. Polk: Party Planner. Ain’t no party like a James K. Polk party!

Will any of these copycats ever be made. Probably not.

But a guy can dream, can’t he?

Can you think of any other possible copycats? If so–share away!

A Verse I’ve Been Feeling Lately

Besides everything else, I face daily the pressure of
my concern for all the churches.
2 Corinthians 11:28

I am really feeling this verse right now.

In the verses leading up to this one, the Apostle Paul has recounted many of the trials that he has gone through and those he is currently enduring. And there were plenty of them. He had been scourged and beaten repeatedly, stoned, shipwrecked three times, on the move and in danger continually. He had been hungry and thirsty and sleep-deprived.

And then, after all of this, he mentions the daily pressure of concern he has for the churches.

Which churches are weighing heavily upon his heart? The ones he started or the ones he ministered to or the ones that have supported him?

The verse says “all the churches.”

He cared for them all.

My primary church of concern is the one I am privileged to pastor, Lee Village Baptist Church. Recently there have been several church members who have experienced pain and sadness for various reasons. Because I love the people who make up the church I have felt the daily pressure of concern for them.

There are other churches that I have had the privilege of being acquainted with over my lifetime which have experienced similar hardships lately. Because I love them I have felt the daily pressure of concern for them.

There are also other followers of Christ who I know and love deeply who have faced terribly trials over the past few weeks. Because I love them I have felt the daily pressure of concern for them.

So, I’m really feeling 2 Corinthians 11:28 lately.

And I count it a privilege because I know the Savior is with me and with them every step of the way.

What verse have you been feeling?

An Open Letter to People Who Put Mayonnaise on Sandwiches Served to Others

Dear People Who Put Mayonnaise on Sandwiches Served to Others,

STOP IT!

Sincerely,

People Who Enjoy Sandwiches Yet Lack the Necessary X-Ray Vision to Detect Mayonnaise on Sandwiches Before Taking a Big Bite Out of Them

 

How do you feel about mayonnaise? And if you like it, what’s wrong with you?

Forever

Scanning the room she
sees her family.

They are crying;
she is weak.

Eyelids closing,
leaving this world.

Her last breath here,
her first one there.

As her family mourns,
she rejoices.

Forever.

A Fishy Story

My wife and I did a little fishing Tuesday evening and ended up catching 8 fish altogether. My 5 kids didn’t fish, but they were nearby throwing things in the water and making way too much noise. Here is my take on what one of the fish my wife caught was probably thinking before, during, and after being caught.

****************************************************************************

Wow–this is an absolutely beautiful day! The sun is shining, but it’s not too warm. The water is nice and flowing, but not too quickly. This might just be the best day of my life. The only thing that could possibly make this better would be if food magically appeared from above.

(Splash)

HOLY CARP! Are you kidding me? This can not be happening! I wish for food to appear and the biggest, juiciest looking worm I’ve ever seen suddenly appears in front of me?!? And it’s just sitting there?!? WOOOOHOOOO! Looks like my luck is finally changing.

Hey-it just moved a little. It just moved a little more! I see what’s going on here! Little Mr. Worm here thinks he can invade my river, dangle in front of me, and then run away before getting what’s coming to him. HA! Not on my watch!

I’m gonna getcha! I’m gonna getcha! I’m gonna getcha!

BOO-YAH! I gotcha! Hahahahahahahaha–victory is mine!

The guys are never going to believe thi…..YEEEE-OWWWWW!

My jaw–something’s stuck through my jaw! ABORT MISSION! ABORT MISSION! I have to get away from here quick. AUGGGHHH! I’m being pulled toward the light. Mom always said to swim away from the light!

What’s happening! I’m getting closer to the surface. Nothing good ever happens above the surface. OH NO!

Fish out of water! Fish out of water! I’m dangling from some sort of line hanging from a skinny pole thingy. What’s going on!

Who is that reaching out to get me? Is that Jesus! No–I never read anything about him wearing an Old Navy sweatshirt. Wait! It’s a woman. I bet she’s going to eat me!

Why is she looking at me like that? Who’s that big, ugly guy she’s showing me too? I bet he could eat me with one bite. Where did all of these kids come from. They’re all touching me! I’m contaminated! Did one of those kids just try to kiss me?!?!

I can’t breathe! I can’t breathe! Please put me back in the water! Please put me back in the water!

AUGGGHHH! She just pulled the hook out! That’s gonna leave a mark!

She’s standing up! What’s she doing! She just threw me into the air. I’m flying! I’m flying!

(Splash)

Praise God, I’m back in the water! Thank you kind lady with the weird-looking husband and bunch of kids for throwing me back and not eating me! I’m too young to fry!

All that excitement made me hungry. Oh, look! Another worm just floating in the water. Surely lightening wouldn’t strike twice in one day…..

**********************************************************************************

I must admit that I don’t like fishing very much, but I love my wife and she enjoys it. So I fish occasionally to spend time with her. And sometimes I think about things like this–just for fun.

What do you do that you don’t necessarily enjoy just to spend time with someone you love?
Do you think about things like this, too? Or is there something wrong with me? Or both?

The Cookie Monster Diet

Last week I blogged about A Gospel-Driven Weight Loss Plan. While I am still committed to losing weight this way, I have now come up with back-up plan if it doesn’t work out.

It’s called The Cookie Monster Diet.

I know what you’re thinking–he only eats cookies. And I know that it would be hard to lose weight while eating like that. The thing that would make The Cookie Monster Diet work is not emulating what he eats but how he eats.

He never really swallows any of the cookies; I don’t think he ever has. He chews the cookies in such a violent manner that pieces and crumbs go flying. Take a look:

If this works with cookies I assume it would work with other foods like pizza, chicken-n-dumplins, and just about anything else.

Yes, I know it would be messy. But it would sure be fun.

Do you think The Cookie Monster Diet would work?
Who is your favorite resident of Sesame Street?

The Most Interesting Pastor in the World

His blood type is “KJV Positive.”

If Charles Spurgeon, Jonathan Edwards, and John Piper were cloned the clones would attend his church.

He replaced the communion wafers with Cheez-Its and no one complained.

Contrary to popular belief Chick-fil-A is open on Sunday, but only to him.

When he tells the congregation to bow their heads and close their eyes, EVERYBODY does it.

He didn’t learn Greek in seminary, Greek learned him.

Following him on Twitter has become the 5th Spiritual Law.

No one has ever slept during one of his sermons…or for 3 days afterward.

He doesn’t need a heated baptistry; the water gets hot enough when he steps into it.

The first word he ever said was “casserole.”

When the lamb he brought on stage as a sermon illustration was eaten by the lion PETA didn’t say a word.

James Earl Jones is jealous of his voice.

He doesn’t alliterate every sermon point, he alliterates every syllable.

The “New Members Class” at his church can be used for credit at every reputable Bible college.

When he prays before a meal the food becomes fat-free.

Billy Graham has been called the previous him.

Succession plan? He don’t need no stinkin’ succession plan.

His blog is so cool that no one knows it exists, yet it still gets over 10 million hits a day.

Emergents tremble at the sound of his name.

He doesn’t brag about weekly conversion totals on Twitter because 140 characters isn’t enough space.

He is….The Most Interesting Pastor in the World.

“Drink of the Living Water and never be thirsty again, my friends.”

What other facts can you think of for the Most Interesting Pastor in the World?

 

Caption Contest Monday: Bowling Alley

Question: Who loves to bowl?

Answer: Almost  nobody. But it’s still something we do on occasion when we can’t think of anything else to do.

This picture is from the middle of March when we took our kids bowling on a Sunday afternoon. I love it mainly because of the look on Mary Hope’s face.

But I wonder–what was going through her mind in the picture?

That’s why I need your help.

Leave a caption in the comments telling me what you believe she was thinking.

I’ll choose the best one and the winner will receive both my gratitude and a virtual fist bump. That’s a $98 value!

Do your best and have fun!

Good News

Hurt shown by the liquid
falling silently down
his cheek.

Scars well hidden beneath
layers of bravado.

Waiting for something
good after a lifetime
of bad.

Being told there is a
book that gives good
advice.

Reading it and
finding Good News
instead.

Made whole.