God’s Grace
Dazed by
the depth
Surprised by
the strength
Amazed by
the abundance
of
God’s grace.
Hebrews 4:16
The Seeking Pastor
Seeking to live, laugh, and love like Jesus
This and That
A few unrelated, mostly silly tidbits. Just because.
*I love monkeys, but not in the same way that I love bacon. If monkeys tasted like bacon I would be in a real quandary.
*That is the first time I have ever used the word “quandary” in a sentence and it will probably be the last. I think I just used it in another sentence. My bad.
*My 10-year-old daughter never calls them Hootie and the Blowfish. She always calls them Howdy and the Blowfish instead. I like that name better.
*Why does my daughter know Hootie and the Blowfish? Because I’m a good father.
*Last night I had to choose between pecan pie, banana pudding, chocolate cake, or apple pie with ice cream. The tension was palpable. I finally settled on banana pudding. I hope I don’t have to make a decision that difficult for a while.
*I have no idea who any of the current heavyweight boxing champions are.
*If living long enough to see Dolly Parton and Queen Latifah star in a movie together is on your bucket list–CONGRATULATIONS! (weirdo)
*I saw a really old mini-van with a really big spoiler on it a few days ago. It was a good day.
*A plaque is usually a good thing. Plaque is a bad thing. Receiving a plaque for having the worst plaque would be a really bad thing.
And finally…
*Tim Tebow isn’t perfect. Jesus is perfect. Tim Tebow often talks about Jesus. I like Tim Tebow.
What are some tidbits that have been on your mind?
Ping Pong and Jesus
Santa Claus brought my kids a ping pong table. Some folks call it a table tennis table, but I call it a ping pong table. (Give yourself a pat on the back if you read that last sentence in your head like Carl from Sling Blade.)
If you think that having a ping pong table sounds like fun–you are right. Whether I am winning or losing or just goofing off, having a ping pong table is a lot of fun.
If you think that having a ping pong table is frustrating–then you probably have a bunch of kids just like I do.
Teaching kids to play the right way is frustrating. Officiating arguments that are caused by them playing is frustrating. Hearing them slam their paddles down on the table is frustrating. Trying to figure out why ABC agreed to air Work It is frustrating.
The frustrations, though, are worth it because of the fun.
In a way, this mirrors how I feel about life.
There are plenty of frustrations. The issues and problems often pile up even as we try so hard to keep that from happening.
There are plenty of reasons to give up. Things don’t work out the way we think they will so much of the time.
There are plenty of uncertainties as we travel along. What we don’t know about the future far outweighs what we do know.
All of those things plus every other bad thing that I must go through are worth it. But it isn’t because of fun.
It’s because of Jesus.
He is my Savior.
And I love Him.
And because of Him, life is worth living no matter how difficult it becomes during this year and beyond.
I hope you feel the same way.
What do you do that is both fun and frustrating?
How do you feel about Jesus?
New Year’s Resolutions
In 2012, I resolve to…
….not wurry so mutch abbout misspeled wurds.
….eat less chicken. (I’m tired of cows telling me what to do.)
….refrain from backing baby into a corner.
….get a really old, almost dead dog.
….teach him a new trick just to prove that it can be done.
….spend one week answering every yes or no question with a “Yuuupp!” like Dave Hester from Storage Wars.
….spend the next week apologizing to everyone that I annoyed the previous week.
….win as many Sprint Cup Championships as Dale Earnhardt, Jr. ever will.
….try to stop saying that things are “off the hook” and “da bomb.” Fo shizzle.
….finally get over never having a “My Buddy” doll when I was a kid.
….meet Chuck Norris.
….survive meeting Chuck Norris.
and the real thing I resolve to do….
….live my life in such a way that brings greater glory to God.
What are some silly resolutions that I could add to this list?
Do you have any serious resolutions that you would like to share?
Top Posts of 2011 #1: Prophetic Thursday: Christian Reality Shows
It’s the last week of 2011 and we are still getting fully moved in to our new digs in Harriman. Because of this I thought I would share my 5 most viewed posts of 2011. Thanks for reading this year and for being a part of this community. I’m looking forward to an even better 2012.
Prophetic Thursday: Christian Reality Shows
Remember Mr. Personality, the reality show hosted by Monica Lewinsky in 2003; the one where she advised young women picking men to date who had their faces covered by masks of various colors. Some don’t remember it because they never viewed it. Many more are unable to remember it because some memories must be repressed in order for people to have normal functioning lives. To call it a train wreck is unfair to train wrecks. As people who impersonate Charles Barkley would say–”It was turrible–turrible, turrible, turrible!”
After this show started strong and quickly lost viewers with each passing week, I thought that reality shows were over. I thought they had collectively “jumped the shark.” I thought wrong. This is not rare–remember, I’m the guy who ate leftover Krsytal hamburgers for breakfast and lived to talk about it. Still, though, I was sure that reality shows would not last, but it seems that they are here to stay.
And the longer they stay around the greater the likelihood that there will eventually be “Christian” reality shows. Yes–it will happen. Here are a few that I expect to see in the near future:
1. Hangin’ with Smiley. Join Joel Osteen (and his business mullet) as he spends his days doing whatever it is Joel Osteen does. Like trying out his stories on unsuspecting toddlers. Or whitening his teeth 18 hours a day. Or learning how to hypnotize people by blinking his eyes.
2. Survivor: Finance Committee. Ratings gold.
3. The Real Pastor’s Wives of the SBC. Some are shy and sweet. Some are smart and sassy. Watch what happens when they stop being polite and start being real. Wait a minute–that’s some other show, isn’t it?
4. The Amazing Grace. Similar to The Amazing Race, except that the teams race around the world finding different ways to help each other. And whichever team comes in last will be first. Expect loooong seasons.
5. America’s Next Top Worship Leader. Graphic tees, skinny jeans, goop-filled hair, and the ability to turn secular songs into songs of praise will be featured on this show that will be judged by Kirk Franklin, Bill Gaither, and Sharon Osbourne (just for funsies).
6. Pimp My Church Van. Forget church vans with torn seats and peeling paint, these church vans will be tricked out with 20 inch rims, cross spinners, a bangin’ sound system, and a bar in the back (serving only communion juice, of course).
7. The Rob Bell Show. Already in production. Probably.
Will reality shows really go the Christian route? Why not? We already have Christian movies, books, magazines, music, candy, Silly Bandz, clothing, paintings, Christmas tree ornaments, restaurants, theme parks, schools, day cares, retreats, cruises, snow globes, video games, actions figures, trading cards, blogs, internet providers, newspapers, political action committees, and so much more.
So, yeah–Christian reality shows are definitely a possibility. And when it happens remember that you heard it here first.
What are some other possible Christian reality shows?
Why are reality shows so popular?
Here’s your last chance–share one of your top posts of 2011!
Top Posts of 2011 #2: Three Things That Should Never Happen at McDonald’s
It’s the last week of 2011 and we are still getting fully moved in to our new digs in Harriman. Because of this I thought I would share my 5 most viewed posts of 2011. Thanks for reading this year and for being a part of this community. I’m looking forward to an even better 2012.
Three Things That Should Never Happen at McDonald’s
My two-year-old fell at McDonald’s on Sunday night and hurt her nose. I was not lovin’ it, especially when the doctor at the ER said that her nose was broken. He said that she would need to see an ear, nose, and throat specialist to determine the course of action to take. I imagined surgeries that would cause her poor little nose to look similar to the nose of a retired boxer, but without the money and titles to show for it.
The ENT appointment was yesterday afternoon and upon further review she does not have a broken nose after all. She does have massive trauma and swelling. The doctor said that her nose will eventually be every color of the rainbow before it heals completely. But at least it isn’t broken.
McDonald’s is a place where you should be able to get “food” at a low price. It should never be a place where you break your nose. Here are three other things that should never take place at McDonald’s:
1. Weight Watchers Meetings. I have been on a Weight Watchers diet before; counting points and trying to game the system. It worked to lower my weight, but it also made me a little crazy. I started to view McDonald’s as the Promised Land flowing with milkshakes and honey mustard. Making a group of people who are losing their minds while losing weight meet at McDonald’s would be a bad idea. Another bad idea: teaching your toddler how to say flatulence. It’s funny, but your spouse probably won’t think so.
2. Marriage Proposals. Marriage proposals should take place somewhere romantic, in a setting that evokes heightened emotions. They should not happen in a place that features ketchup pumps and a playland. There are some exceptions to this, of course. Like if you met at McDonald’s. Or if you own a McDonald’s franchise. Or if you are Ronald McDonald. And if you are Ronald McDonald, I have some shoes you can borrow.
- My Clown Shoes
3. Rap Battles. Rap battles should take place on the street or in dimly lit, abandoned warehouses. They should never take place in well-lit restaurants with innocent children present. Or in a place where the participants can buy Happy Meals afterward. Have I ever been involved in a rap battle? Only in my mind. And I was awesome.
I have spent too much time at McDonald’s restaurants over the course of my life and I have spent way too much time thinking about what shouldn’t be done at McDonald’s while writing this blog post. I’m sure that there are more things that probably shouldn’t be done there, but what is more important is what should be done there. And everywhere else for that matter.
While Jesus was speaking with “the woman at the well,” the topic came up about where people should worship; whether in Jerusalem where the Jews worshipped or on the mountain where the Samaritans worshipped. Jesus said,
Believe me, a time is coming when you will worship the Father neither
on this mountain nor in Jerusalem…..Yet a time is coming and
has now come when the true worshipers will worship the Father
in the Spirit and in truth,for they are the kind of worshipers
the Father seeks. God is spirit,and his worshipers must worship
in the Spirit and in truth.
John 4:21, 23-24
Wherever we are, God is worthy of worship.
In McDonald’s, in a church building, in an abandoned warehouse, on the street—He is worthy.
The where of worship doesn’t matter; the how of worship matters immensely.
God deserves and requires that we worship Him in Spirit and in truth.
Everywhere.
What else should never take place at McDonald’s?
Where have you worshipped God today?
Share one of your top posts of 2011–you know you want to!
Top Posts of 2011 #3: Prophetic Thursday: Westboro Baptist Church
It’s the last week of 2011 and we are still getting fully moved in to our new digs in Harriman. Because of this I thought I would share my 5 most viewed posts of 2011. Thanks for reading this year and for being a part of this community. I’m looking forward to an even better 2012.
Prophetic Thursday: Westboro Baptist Church
The “fine” folks of Westboro Baptist Church (for info on them click here) have gained a degree of notoriety the past few years by proclaiming a message that is contrary to what is put forth by most other Christian churches. No, they haven’t spoken out against potluck dinners or casseroles. Instead, they proclaim that God is a God of hate. They have gotten most of their attention by protesting at the funerals of deceased soldiers while carrying signs that say: “God Hates America,” “God Hates Fags,” and “God Hates Off-Brand Soda.”
Okay, that last one isn’t true. I don’t know if The Almighty has a distaste for off-brand sodas or not, but I know that Westboro protesters haven’t put that on a sign. Yet.
I do wonder, though, when they will start to realize that fewer and fewer people are paying attention; I hope they never do. I’m afraid if they catch on to the fact that their tactics have grown stale that they will start protesting in other ways. Like children who act out when they think that no on is noticing them, I have a feeling that Westboro leaders will eventually start declaring that God hates other things just to regain their footing.
I could be wrong; this might never happen. But if it does, here are seven slogans that might show up on their signs in the coming years along with the possible reasons they might give:
1. God Hates Kia Souls. Because eventually all of the owners of these vehicles will be tempted to either sell their Souls or trade their Souls. This must be stopped.
2. God Hates the NFL. Because the combination of fans forgoing church service attendance to watch football and all of the images of men slapping each other on the rear reeks of iniquity.
3. God Hates He-Man. Because Fred Phelps and Skeletor look so much alike.
4. God Hates Apple Pie. Because very few things are as American as apple pie and since God hates America……
5. God Hates Social Media. Because it has been used over and over to bash Westboro Baptist Church. And because of Farmville.
6. God Hates Paisley. Because some patterns simply deserve to be hated.
7. God Hates American Idol. Because it just isn’t the same without Simon condemning everyone.
I realize that this is a somewhat silly list. Let me get serious for a moment.
The message of Westboro Baptist Church is not the message of the Gospel. Their message is one of hate; the message of the Gospel is one of love and grace. My prayer is that either the leaders of Westboro Baptist Church repent of the damage they have done and truly encounter the God of grace or that God removes their ability to spread their hate-filled message.
Are either of these things possible? Nothing is impossible with God.
However, If neither of these things happen look for Westboro Baptist Church to diversify their protests. And when it happens remember that you heard it here first.
What are some other things that Westboro Baptist Church might one day claim that God hates?
Go ahead, share one of your top posts of 2011!
Top Posts of 2011 #4: Sandals and Osama Bin Laden
It’s the last week of 2011 and we are still getting fully moved in to our new digs in Harriman. Because of this I thought I would share my 5 most viewed posts of 2011. Thanks for reading this year and for being a part of this community. I’m looking forward to an even better 2012.
Sandals and Osama Bin Laden
I’m not sure if I learn something new everyday. What I mean is that I am not always consciously aware of what I learn in a particular day. But I have learned a few things about myself recently. Especially when it comes to people who wear sandals.
Here they are with the help of a few if/then statements.
1. If you wear sandals, then I will look at your feet. It’s going to happen. This isn’t because I have a foot fetish or anything; I actually think feet are pretty disgusting. I’m really not sure why I do this. Maybe it’s because when a person wears sandals they are essentially saying, “Hey–Look at my feet! LOOKATTHEM!!!!”
2. If you wear sandals and your toes are painted a bright color, then I will comment on them. It won’t be a rude comment, but there will be a comment. Unless the color is so bright that they cause my eyeballs to fall out. If that happens, all bets are off. You know–after I quit screaming about my eyeballs falling out.
3. If you wear sandals when it is cold and then complain about how cold you are, then I will openly question your intelligence. I apologize in advance. If it is cold enough for jackets and toboggans, then it is cold enough for YOU TO PUT SOCKS ON! (See what I did there–a bonus if/then statement. You’re welcome.)
4. If you wear sandals and have hairy toes and/or ugly toenails, then I will feel better about myself and possibly wear sandals the next day. And I will blame you if anyone sees my feet and vomits.
While these if/then statements are about something a little silly, there is a far more serious if/then statement that has been on my mind the past 24 hours or so.
If God creates a person, then that person is created in His image.
And God said, let us make man in our image,
after our likeness….
Genesis 1:26
There were two main thoughts that entered my mind upon learning about Osama Bin Laden’s death: I am thankful for justice and I am sad that someone made in the image of God died without accepting the gift of salvation offered by Him.
Rejoicing in justice is Biblical (Proverbs 11:10); being gleeful about anyone being in Hell is not (2 Peter 3:9). May we be wise enough to discern the difference and express joy in ways that honor God.
If we have been brought from death unto life by the power of the Gospel, then we should refrain from speaking flippantly about Hell and those who go there.
After all, Hell is what we all deserve.
It is only because of God’s grace than any of us ever get anything better.
What are some other if/then statements that can be made?
What was your initial response to Bin Laden’s death?
Has your initial response changed since then?
Also share one of your top posts of 2011!
Top Posts of 2011 #5: New Uses for Old Offering Plates
It’s the last week of 2011 and we are still getting fully moved in to our new digs in Harriman. Because of this I thought I would share my 5 most viewed posts of 2011. Thanks for reading this year and for being a part of this community. I’m looking forward to an even better 2012.
New Uses for Old Offering Plates
I can only think of three reasons why an established church would need new offering plates: 1.) The building and everything in it is destroyed by fire; 2.) The church building gets massively overhauled and new plates that match the new furniture are purchased; 3.) They are stolen by ignorant thieves who think that the plates are able to make money magically appear. Are there people dumb enough to believe that offering plates are magic money makers? Well–I just read that the new Big Momma movie made $17 million at the box office this weekend, so you tell me.
Any suggestions for an old one of these?
But what if my church did decide to get new offering plates? I’m not one to throw things away; instead, I like to think of new uses for items destined to be discarded. Here are a few suggestions for what old offering plates could become:
1. Hats for people with oddly shaped heads. My head is measured at 8 1/4, which means that for the majority of my adult life I have had a difficult time finding hats that fit me–until I found www.bigheadcaps.com. One of their taglines is “Headwear for the Cranially Endowed.” Seriously. Now I can order (almost) any hat I want. Are there people out there with big, round, flat, shallow heads? Maybe. Would any of them want a wooden, wide-brim hat? Who wouldn’t?
2. Dog/cat food bowls. I believe that there is a niche market for high-priced wooden animal dishes that were once used as offering plates. And if you’ve ever watched Confessions: Animal Hoarding, I’m sure you agree.
3. Frisbees for body builders. I’ve never seen body builders throw frisbees, but I don’t think that it is because they don’t want to. I bet it is because whenever they do throw frisbees that they toss them into outer space. Or accidentally knock airplanes out of the sky. Either way, regular frisbees are no doubt too light for their superhuman strength. Frisbees made out of solid wood, on the other hand, would probably be just right.
4. Really big ear/nose gauges. What is an ear/nose gauge? Some pictures are worth a thousand words, others are worth an “AAAAAUUUUUGGGGGHHHHHH!”
Okay, none of those were very good and that last one was really a stretch (insert your own rimshot here). It’s hard to imagine an offering plate being anything other than an offering plate. It has one purpose, one reason for which it is made. No other purpose quite suits it. We have only one primary purpose, too.
Let every thing that hath breath praise the LORD.
Psalm 150:6
We were made to glorify God.
With everything we are and everything we do.
There is no other purpose. There is no greater purpose.
Every day and in every way, He is deserving of praise.
What other suggestions do you have for old offering plates?
How/why are you praising God today?
And share one of your top posts of 2011!
My Face
