Freakishly Big

The internet is a wonderful place to find both information as well as misinformation.  I choose to use it for information.  By using the internet I found out recently that Roseanne Barr was born the same year as my parents and that the average western toad weighs between 70 and 100 grams.  Okay, so I use it for mostly useless information, but useless information is better than misinformation.  Barely.

Another thing I found out is that the average height of males in the United States is 5 feet, 9 inches.  My guess was 2 inches higher than this, but it doesn’t matter much.  Either way I am well above average. 

Me being 6’7” was not supposed to happen.  My dad is 5’10” and my mom is 5’6”.  Me?  According to my 5’1”-ish wife I am “freakishly big.”  I am what I am.

I am able to change light bulbs without incident and there aren’t many shelves in any store that I can’t reach.  I have a suspicion that this is why my wife married me.  With me around she doesn’t have to worry about falling off step-stools (she’s a tad clumsy).  Of course, it could have been the old Cannon charm that got her.  The effectiveness of the old Cannon charm is both suspect and debatable, so I figure me being tall helped. 

I am able to see what people hide on top of their refrigerators.  Anthropologists should study this if they haven’t already done so.  Psychologists, too.  The items I’ve seen range from toe-nail clippings to half-eaten candy bars to ashes of deceased pets to cake takers filled with rolled up coins to tie clasps to enough dust to fill a swimming pool to Jimmy Hoffa.  Okay, that last one isn’t true.  Just trying to find out if were paying attention and if there are any mobsters reading this blog.  Trust me–the tops of refrigerators will one day be studied by archaeologists to find out just how weird we are.

I get all of the spider webs that no one else gets.  This is not a good thing.  They generally hit me right in the face at times when I am absolutely not expecting it.  How does a spider manage to weave a web that stretches from one side of a mall to another?  I have no idea, but I know that it happens. 

I can’t fit into certain vehicles.  Even though I drove a two-door Chevrolet Cavalier for a while, I still have difficulty wedging my large frame inside of vehicles small enough to fit in the bed of my short-bed truck.  My theory on small cars is that most auto-makers are run by people who weren’t tall enough to ride all of the amusement park rides until they hit their early twenties.  Tiny cars are their revenge.

I can honestly claim to be the best 6’7” blogger that I know.  Of course this is because I am the only blogger of gigantic proportions that I know.  This is similar to a guy who is a member of our church telling me after every service that I’m the best pastor he’s got.  Almost-compliments are better than no compliments at all, I suppose.

How tall we are really doesn’t matter.  I remember when it did, though.  I remember as a child going up to someone to measure myself against them.  My kids do this, especially my boys.  They like to be taller than each other; like being taller gives them greater importance or something to brag about.

They are wrong.

Height, weight, hair color, gender, appearance….those things do not create value or worth.  The fact that God formed each of us and has a purpose for our lives does. 

I’m tall and you might be short.  I’m overweight and you might be skinny.  My hair has been turning gray since I was eighteen.  Big deal.  Those things are irrelevant. 

I am loved by the God of all creation and if I became even taller He would love me just the same.  I may not fit in certain vehicles, but I fit just fine into God’s family. 

This is enough.

(Are you tall, short, skinny, plump?  Have advantages or disadvantages to share?  Go ahead!)


2 thoughts on “Freakishly Big

  1. I would concur and say that you are the best 6’7″ blogger I know as well. You’re up there in the ranks of all other bloggers as well.

    And yeah dude, you are big. My two best friends are 6’3″ and I call them my twin towers. I’m only 5’10” so you would make me feel like a very little man. Even though I’m older than you!

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