I did not root for the Texas Rangers to win the World Series. There–it’s out. I’ve kept this more or less to myself and the burden of the secret was getting to me. To many Christians, this admission is bordering on an admission of heresy. Sort of like one of us wondering why Chris Tomlin is so popular. There are some things that Christians just don’t admit. Until now.
The reason that I feel this way is because Josh Hamilton plays for the Rangers. If you do not know who he is, you should. Jonathan Acuff from Stuff Christians Like (www.stuffchristianslike.net) described him as “some sort of genetically engineered Christian athlete made in a lab of awesomeness.” I agree. His story is amazing. After the Rangers won their first trip to the Word Series his teammates opted to spray ginger ale instead of champagne. That a whole clubhouse of men altered their behavior out of respect for him is a testimony to his genuine faith.
So why did I cheer for the San Fransisco Giants to win the Word Series instead? Why did I turn my back on a man with one of the most compelling stories in sports? What caused me to do something so semi-sacrilegious?
I blame it on Brian Wilson’s beard.
Brian Wilson is a closer for the Giants and a 2-time All-Star with a fast-ball that hits 100 mph from time to time. More intimidating that his fastball is his appearance on the mound. With his shirt not fully buttoned and a glare that makes hardened criminals shudder, he walks all over the mound like he would rather run up and choke batters rather than hurl baseballs past them. I wouldn’t be shocked if this happens one day. The dude is as intense as a chained-up rottweiler on speed watching a kitten steal food out of his bowl.
But the most intimidating and intriguing thing about Wilson is his beard. It’s the best facial hair ever. It makes Chuck Norris’s beard jealous. In fact, I think ESPN should film a reality show called Brian Wilson’s Beard that would follow his beard around and record all of the hijinks. Maybe there could even be a national holiday where every man in America would wear a fake beard that looks just like his. Call it Crazy Beard Day or Scare the Children Day, whichever. It really is that great.