Brian Wilson’s Beard

I did not root for the Texas Rangers to win the World Series.  There–it’s out.  I’ve kept this more or less to myself and the burden of the secret was getting to me.  To many Christians, this admission is bordering on an admission of heresy.  Sort of like one of us wondering why Chris Tomlin is so popular.  There are some things that Christians just don’t admit.  Until now. 

The reason that I feel this way is because Josh Hamilton plays for the Rangers.  If you do not know who he is, you should.  Jonathan Acuff from Stuff Christians Like ( described him as “some sort of genetically engineered Christian athlete made in a lab of awesomeness.”  I agree.  His story is amazing.  After the Rangers won their first trip to the Word Series his teammates opted to spray ginger ale instead of champagne.  That a whole clubhouse of men altered their behavior out of respect for him is a testimony to his genuine faith.

So why did I cheer for the San Fransisco Giants to win the Word Series instead?  Why did I turn my back on a man with one of the most compelling stories in sports?  What caused me to do something so semi-sacrilegious?

I blame it on Brian Wilson’s beard.

Brian Wilson is a closer for the Giants and a 2-time All-Star with a fast-ball that hits 100 mph from time to time.  More intimidating that his fastball is his appearance on the mound.  With his shirt not fully buttoned and a glare that makes hardened criminals shudder, he walks all over the mound like he would rather run up and choke batters rather than hurl baseballs past them.  I wouldn’t be shocked if this happens one day.  The dude is as intense as a chained-up rottweiler on speed watching a kitten steal food out of his bowl. 

But the most intimidating and intriguing thing about Wilson is his beard.  It’s the best facial hair ever.  It makes Chuck Norris’s beard jealous.  In fact, I think ESPN should film a reality show called Brian Wilson’s Beard that would follow his beard around and record all of the hijinks.  Maybe there could even be a national holiday where every man in America would wear a fake beard that looks just like his.  Call it Crazy Beard Day or Scare the Children Day, whichever.  It really is that great.

He started growing it in August of this year and began dying it black in September.  When I say black, I mean BLACK.  Blacker than coal.  Blacker than black.  Uber-black.  I can go into a room without light, close the door, and shut my eyes and it still wouldn’t be as black as Brian Wilson’s beard. 
Brian Wilson’s beard is the reason I cheered for the Giants.  It’s the reason that I did not pull for Josh Hamilton and his Rangers.  It’s the reason that I will continue to be a Giants fan for at least as long as he doesn’t shave. 
But it isn’t the reason that I live. 
That would be silly, wouldn’t it?  Saying “I live for Brian Wilson’s beard” would sound insane even coming from a person who is insane.  Having a man’s beard be the reason that you live doesn’t make sense no matter how awesome the beard might be.
Actually, living for anything other than God and His glory makes as much sense as living for a man’s beard.
Some live for their jobs that could be taken away from them in a flash.  Others live for relationships that could easily sour, dissolve, and end.  Alcohol and drugs seem to both be the lives of some and what is likely to end the lives of many.  Living for our children sounds noble, but looks foolish once you realize that our children are not perfect and holy and that they are not the source of life.
Life comes from God.  The purpose for our lives come from God.  True, lasting, eternal joy can not be found apart from embracing this truth.
I like Brian Wilson’s beard.  I think it’s cool. 
But it is not God.  Only God is God and only He should be the focus of my life.
 What do you think about Brian Wilson’s beard?  What do you think about God?  Share away.
Brian Wilson and his beard

2 thoughts on “Brian Wilson’s Beard

  1. Oh man, I loved the tie in. You’re two for two now Matt. Great post!

    On a side note, I think you would like my friend Mo’s blog. He’s hilarious and has killer tie-ins: He’s been on a bit of a hiatus from real posts since the birth of his son this month but you should check out his old stuff.

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