A Few Unremarkable Thoughts

I had Mello Yello to drink during lunch today and followed it up with a chocolate milkshake.  What does that do to my writing?  I turn into Larry King.  Here goes:

Forget all of the other “so-called” love languages, mine is Waffle House.  Can you think of a better way to show love to someone than a double order of hash browns served in a dimly lit restaurant slightly cleaner than a port-a-potty?  I can’t either. 

I’m not supposed to re-use throway plastic water bottles because of something called phthalates.  It’s awfully hard to be afraid of something that reminds you of Sylvester the Cat whenever you try to say it.

Red ink is the most obnoxious of all ink colors.  Especially when used for unimportant topics.  It’s like a little kid saying “Hey, look at me, look at me, look at me” and then doing something anti-climactic. 

If there is one instrument that should be used more widely it has to be the banjo.  I can’t think of any song that wouldn’t be made better by including it.  Can you?

There’s a local, independently owned bookstore in Knoxville that is closing.  I’ve only been to Carpe Librum a few times, so I’m not emotionally invested in them.  I just think it’s sad when a small bookstore closes, especially one so beloved.

As far as interrogation techniques go, I can’t think of anything that would make me talk faster than someone clicking the top on a retractable pen over and over again.  You want my bank information, my social security number, and to find out whether or not I was really the second shooter located on the grassy knoll?  Just tie me down and start clicking.   You’ll get more confessions than a priest after Mardi Gras.

Those in charge of colleges designing or re-doing their basketball arenas (and other large stadiums where thousands of people will gather) need to know that very few people have rear ends small enough to fit in the chairs you are planning to use.  Widen them a little.  Yes, you’ll lose a few seats and therefore a few dollars, but you’ll probably make it up with more overweight people like me being there spending more money on food.  You would at least break even.

I saw the movie Inception over the Summer.  It inspired me to preach a sermon within a sermon within a sermon.  Everyone liked it, but no one knew why.

There is nothing quite as funny to a 7-year-old boy than flatulence.  Come to think of it, this is true for most males of any age, but being married makes us unable to openly admit it.

I haven’t watched any network evening news in years.  Is Dan Rather #1 yet?

Christian Bale is a fine Batman, but I’m worried about what the role is doing to his vocal chords.  Talking like you have a 1/2 ton of gravel in your throat may sound intimidating, but it can’t be good for you.  Of course, it would be silly to dress like that and then sound like a male cheerleader.  Villains don’t respond well to unmanly voices.

That last thought was in no way meant to start a fight with a male cheerleader.  I have seen your muscles and I am sure you could rip my arms off.  Settle down and keep cheering.  Your team needs you.

One last thought:  It’s okay to be silly sometimes.  Laughter is good for the soul.  We should do it more often.


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