Banning Buttermilk

Buttermilk is still being produced which means that there are still some people out there who drink it.  It’s baffling, really.  They must hate their taste buds.  Or maybe they don’t have any.  Or they have a psychological condition that causes them to ingest disgusting liquids.  Drinknastystuffitis, maybe.

I’ve never worked at Mayfield or any other dairy, but I have a pretty good idea of how buttermilk is made. 

Step One:  Make regular milk.

Step Two:  Let it sour.

Ta-da!  Buttermilk!

Maybe that’s not the way that it’s made, but it could be.  Don’t those who drink it know what they are drinking?  Don’t they know that there are other beverages to choose from, that they don’t have to drink spoiled milk?  Who are these weird people who drink buttermilk, anyway?

I think I know.  They are probably the same people who like cranberry sauce.

After reading yesterday that the Transportation Security Administration had banned cranberry sauce, I mentioned it on my Facebook status adding that I had banned it years ago and that it was good to see others following my lead.  I have been a Facebooker for a while now, but I have never had such passionate responses to one of my posts.  Most people agreed with me.  However, there were a couple who didn’t.  One even called me a communist–jokingly–I think.

This got me thinking, though.  What are other food-related things that should be banned?  Here are a few suggestions (in no particular order):

1.  Putting mayonnaise in mashed potatoes.  Who in the world does this?  My in-laws, that’s who.  I think that I have mentioned this before, but it deserves to be brought up again.  Taking one of the most deliciously simple dishes and ruining it by putting a mucus-like condiment in it is unconscionable. 

2.  Mushrooms.  What–you like mushrooms?  You do know that a mushroom is a fungus, right?  When you ask for mushrooms on your pizza you are willfully asking them to place fungus where only meat should be.  When fungus grows on bread we call it mold and throw it the trash.  This is exactly what we should do with mushrooms.

3.  Liver.  I do not eat liver because I know it’s function within the body.  Do you?  If you do and choose to eat it anyway, you are a little twisted.  No offense.   I wrote a (not very good) poem about it:

Liver is eaten by many,

Who claim to enjoy the taste.

But it’s not in my diet, I won’t even try it

Because I know that it processes waste!

4.  Humus.  The main reason that I don’t eat humus is that it is called humus.  Actually that is the only reason.

5.  Hominy.  Hominy is corn that has been processed to remove the hull and germ.  It also attacks me like few other foods ever have.  The last time I ate it, I burped up the taste for about a week.  If it tasted like Rocky Road ice cream, that would have been fine.  Sadly, it did not.

There are others on my list, but these are at the top.  Saying that they should be banned is a little harsh.  I understand this.  Just because I dislike something doesn’t mean that others who like it should be prevented from eating it.  We all have certain preferences that others do not understand.

This is true in more than just food.  Not liking a particular movie, writer, TV show, sports team, or song shouldn’t cause us to look down upon those who do.

We are different.  Our tastes are different.  Let’s get paste this stuff and place our focus on topics that are far more important. 

God loves us.  He provided a way for us to know Him.  Jesus is the way. 

Even if you drink buttermilk.

(What do you think should be banned?  Have you ever been criticized over a preference?  Let’s hear it!)

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2 thoughts on “Banning Buttermilk

  1. Dude I just stumbled upon your site – followed a link from SCL. You are stinking hilarious! I used to think guacamole should be banned! I always thought it looked and possibly even tasted like green peanut butter. But then I got married and learned that my wife and her family eat it with practically everything, so I learned to love it. Seriously, they eat it with Mexican Food, burgers, chicken, all kinds of stuff. Having pasta for dinner? Stop by the store and pick up some avocados for some guac!

    • Ooohh–guacamole. I didn’t think of that one. I’m a texture/name guy–if the texture is goopy/slimy or the name sounds like a rash, I won’t eat it. I know that it’s childish, but some things just can’t be helped.

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