A Letter to My Feet

Dear Feet,

Okay, I get it–you’re mad.  Apparently you were offended by what I wrote earlier this week about the smell of feet and butt.  I can’t think of any other reason why you have been causing me pain since then.  And don’t give me that crap about it being because of the strain of having to carry my big self around all day.  I know better than that.  You’re stronger than that.

If you would have just talked to me about it I could have told you that I wasn’t talking about how you smell, I was talking about how other people’s feet smell.  While your odor may not be appealing to others (my wife and kids, for instance) I have always enjoyed your aroma.  If I could bottle your smell and use it as cologne, I would.  Other people would probably want to use it to repel skunks, but not me.  I love your smell, even when you are sweaty.

It’s not just your smell that I love, though.  I love everything about you.  But maybe I don’t tell you enough or give you specific reasons why.  Well–maybe its time I tell you why.  Here goes:

I love you for keeping me humble.  Whenever I am feeling prideful and partially invincible, you are always quick to remind me of that I am just another knuckle-head.  Sometimes you do it by finding the corner of a dresser to bang yourself into in the dark or by spotting a Hot Wheel with sharp corners to come crashing down on.  You sacrifice yourself to keep me humble.  I love you for that.

I love you for testing the waters.  Whether we are at the pool or in the shower, you always volunteer to take one for the team by taking the lead.  Knowing how delicate my other body parts are, you throw caution to the wind and plunge in toes first.  Your boldness is inspiring.

I love you for holding me up.  I’m a big man and you are a little under-sized for my body.  But you don’t let that stop you.  Day after day you keep holding me up anyway.  Tenacity is sorely lacking in our society, but it surely not lacking in you.

I love you for being beautiful.  I know that I have talked bad about your looks in the past.  I’ve even called you ugly because of the hair and the funky toes. I’m sorry for that.  I was wrong.  You are beautiful because the Bible says so (Romans 10:15).  I see that now and promise to never call you ugly again.

I know that you are often neglected, stuffed inside of socks and shoes.  I know that you are rarely thanked and shown the respect that you deserve.  I can see how you might have misunderstood my words from earlier this week. 

I hope that this letter clears things up between us and you decide to stop hurting. If not, I may have to put you in orthopedic shoes.  I don’t think either of us want that.

With Love and the Utmost Respect,

Matt

ps. If I can’t find the toenail clippers today, I will buy another pair tomorrow.  I promise.

(How is your relationship with your feet?  Have you abused them lately?  Are your feet beautiful?  Share away!)

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27 thoughts on “A Letter to My Feet

  1. I, for one, like my feet a lot. My wife would agree. My toenails, on the other hand, are another story. Apparently I like to cut them like daggers. She calls my big toe nail “Sabertoe” or “Snaggletoe”. I brush off her comments, and clip away!

  2. Never have I heard such an ode to one’s own feet before. I may have teared up a little. I am a little concerned, if you’re using your blog titles for sermon titles (I.e. “Feet and Butt” and “I love you, my feet”) you might have trouble keeping parishioners around… I pray I’m wrong. 🙂

  3. I almost spit out my coffee. Funny stuff.

    My feet get very little attention nowadays, but in the summer, they get to spend more time in fresh air.

    I, like Michael, can’t wait for the open letter to your butt.

  4. My feet are really average looking. There’s really nothing remarkable about them except that two of my toes have freckles on them. Maybe I take my feet for granted too often. I should probably follow your example and appreciate my feet more.

  5. I know a guy who used to speak from stage without shoes. He would claim the verse you referenced and thunder away.
    When I tried it, people would shout “Get behind me Satan!”

    Nothing like people publicly quoting the Scriptures.
    It builds community.

  6. My feet aren’t so pretty. I’m pale – think more transparent than Casper, so my feet are veiny and I try to wear socks and boots as much as possible, oh, and I have Michael Jackson disease – eventually, my feet will be completely WHITE!

    Thanks for the chuckle today.

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