Welcome to Prophetic Thursday here at the blog. Every Thursday I will peer down the pike and try to give you a heads up on what to expect within Christianity in the near and not so near future. To see the previous post in this series, click HERE.
Christian Reality Shows
Remember Mr. Personality, the reality show hosted by Monica Lewinsky in 2003; the one where she advised young women picking men to date who had their faces covered by masks of various colors. Some don’t remember it because they never viewed it. Many more are unable to remember it because some memories must be repressed in order for people to have normal functioning lives. To call it a train wreck is unfair to train wrecks. As people who impersonate Charles Barkley would say–“It was turrible–turrible, turrible, turrible!”
After this show started strong and quickly lost viewers with each passing week, I thought that reality shows were over. I thought they had collectively “jumped the shark.” I thought wrong. This is not rare–remember, I’m the guy who ate leftover Krsytal hamburgers for breakfast and lived to talk about it. Still, though, I was sure that reality shows would not last, but it seems that they are here to stay.
And the longer they stay around the greater the likelihood that there will eventually be “Christian” reality shows. Yes–it will happen. Here are a few that I expect to see in the near future:
1. Hangin’ with Smiley. Join Joel Osteen (and his business mullet) as he spends his days doing whatever it is Joel Osteen does. Like trying out his stories on unsuspecting toddlers. Or whitening his teeth 18 hours a day. Or learning how to hypnotize people by blinking his eyes.
2. Survivor: Finance Committee. Ratings gold.
3. The Real Pastor’s Wives of the SBC. Some are shy and sweet. Some are smart and sassy. Watch what happens when they stop being polite and start being real. Wait a minute–that’s some other show, isn’t it?
4. The Amazing Grace. Similar to The Amazing Race, except that the teams race around the world finding different ways to help each other. And whichever team comes in last will be first. Expect loooong seasons.
5. America’s Next Top Worship Leader. Graphic tees, skinny jeans, goop-filled hair, and the ability to turn secular songs into songs of praise will be featured on this show that will be judged by Kirk Franklin, Bill Gaither, and Sharon Osbourne (just for funsies).
6. Pimp My Church Van. Forget church vans with torn seats and peeling paint, these church vans will be tricked out with 20 inch rims, cross spinners, a bangin’ sound system, and a bar in the back (serving only communion juice, of course).
7. The Rob Bell Show. Already in production. Probably.
Will reality shows really go the Christian route? Why not? We already have Christian movies, books, magazines, music, candy, Silly Bandz, clothing, paintings, Christmas tree ornaments, restaurants, theme parks, schools, day cares, retreats, cruises, snow globes, video games, actions figures, trading cards, blogs, internet providers, newspapers, political action committees, and so much more.
So, yeah–Christian reality shows are definitely a possibility. And when it happens remember that you heard it here first.
(What are some other possible Christian reality shows? Why are reality shows so popular? Share away!)
I saw a Kirk Franklin reality show that was the Christian version of American Idol. You post was funny and real. These shows are here.
I can’t believe that I forgot about that. Awesome.
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Preacher vs. Wild
Our host TD Jakes takes us through some survival tactics in the wild. Just in case we ever parachute into a place like the Saharan Desert.
There would be a lot of sweat in that one.
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Is there seriously a Christian internet service provider? I hadn’t heard of that one… A couple of my favorites (and by “favorites” I mean “not favorites at all”) are seekfind.org, the Christian search engine, and Christian Chirp, the Christian version of Twitter.
I would totally watch America’s Next Top Worship Leader, though…
I think there is, but I’ll have to get my researchers on it to find out for sure. And by researchers, I mean me. ANTWL would be awesome.
Seriously, I would resubscribe to cable solely for the purpose of watching AMTWL.
It would probably be on a community access channel.
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I’m sure there could be a couple seasons worth of Keeping Up With The Driscolls.
Or…. Dancing With The Christian Bloggers… that would be fun.
Dancing with the Christian Bloggers–count me out. When I dance people get hurt.
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If they use the same professional male dancers as DWTS, I’m in. I’ll humiliate myself on (before, let’s face it, small audiences) national TV to be in the same air space as Maksim Chmerkovsky’s derrie— I mean, for the opportunity to praise through dance.
Yeah, look at this Christian blogger dancer:
Nice 🙂
YES!!!
Wooohoooo–this post is Ben-approved! 🙂
LOL
Moe you just made my day!
Dustin, we have those kind of dance parties at my house all the time!
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awesome-tastic.
This post is epic. But if I may throw in a #JesusJuke, it makes me sad that you’re probably right. We try so hard to mimic pop culture rather than actually use the creativity God has given us. If frustrates me that we look like a bunch of less-than-stellar copy cats all the time.
I concur. We are prone to piggyback on established work of others when we could break new/different ground for God’s glory.
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Very cute!
Who knew you were so witty? (Don’t say “everyone but me.”)
🙂
More people probably describe me as strange than witty. But I’ll take it.
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“The Amazing Grace. Similar to The Amazing Race, except that the teams race around the world finding different ways to help each other. And whichever team comes in last will be first. Expect loooong seasons.”
You’re assuming we could find enough teams to compete that truly would want to be last.
James and John would not have qualified I don’t suppose 🙂
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Is The Duggar’s show considered a Christian reality show?
Oprah had one season a show a few years ago where people had to race around helping other people. I actually thought it was pretty good (though I’d hate to praise Oprah too much). It tanked.
I consider the Duggar’s show a birth control show.
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How about a Christian reality show called Dunk’d, where unsuspecting heathens are tricked into getting baptized Nacho Libre style? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EMiBCc3geQA
I would be willing to host that show–but only if I got to wear the tights.
You would definitely have to wear the tights. The winner gets an eagle egg.
This is my favorite.
PRAISE THE LORD!!!
Awesome!
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I think reality shows are popular because they always throw some “story” behind real boring and normal lives. They add some background music, or some tears and even some fights and issues that people just love.
Other possible Christian Reality shows? How about “the apprentice” so we can give layman the chance to live the life of church leadership. I expect some spiritual diarrhea as a result of that reality show.
Sounds good–and I know of a few pastors with THE DONALD’s hair and ego. “You’re fired–bless your heart.”
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You would have to include a Christianized “Man vs Food” show. Most SBC pastors would qualify as the show host.
Fried Chicken!
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How could you forget the Christian versions of The Bachelor and The Bachelorette?!
Contestants compete for the love of the Christian Bachelor/Bachelorette but are not allowed to spend any time alone with them, can’t touch each other and must stay fully clothed from head to foot the whole time. And they give out crosses instead of roses.
Hosted by Joshua Harris?
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Of course! Cause we ain’t dating on this show. We be a courtin’. The final show is your wedding.
Follow by your first kiss.
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Because kissing before marriage is a sin. So is holding hands.
This show will get it right. LOL
Sponsored by Focus on the Family and D.A.D.D. (Dads Against Daughters Dating).
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this who convo cracked me up
*whole – I’m just trying to see how small the columns get with this many replies
Ridiculous, isn’t it? Is there a way to fix it?
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Funniest conversation I’ve read all day. Nay, week.
Great list…how about….
Dangerous Catch – Street witnessing edition
Thanks for the laugh today bro’
The waves are often rocky, that’s for sure.
How about a real world type….except at Christian youth camp…….cause someone always brings a heathen friend who smokes!
Plus the drama there is UNBELIEVABLE.
Dude! Brilliant post! You had me cracking up.
Love #5, but for judges I think you’d need Bono, that chick from Hillsong United and Sharon Osbourne.
Good choices for judges. Sharon’s a keeper either way.
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My idea is Toddlers in Big Bows. Everyone knows the bigger the bow, the closer to God.
That is one way that bows are like Bibles.
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Can’t believe nobody mentioned… wait for it:
The Missionary Dating Game
Where Christian singles compete for the right to woo, and win to Christ, the heathen of their choice. Fun would had by all, but producers not responsible for any moral compromises that may occur.
Sounds like a lot of unequally yoking would ensue.
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Oh, for sure. It would be almost just like The Bachelor, only with Bible verses.
[…] Prophetic Thursday: Christian Reality Shows […]
Hahaha! I’m a little late on this, but this was sooo funny. And some of these ideas I really liked! But then, I’m a big fan of reality TV.
Keep ’em comin’!
Hey, hey–better late than never. Thank you, ma’am.
I LOVE the idea of “The Amazing Grace”! The last shall be first! PRICELESS!
Thanks, Helen. Would make for an interesting un-race.