I’m Not Entering Your House If…..

I used to work for a company that financed mobile homes (we  weren’t allowed to call them trailers).  Yes, most of our customers were in the South.  No, not all of them had double first names like Bobby Joe, Peggy Sue, etc.  And no, the credit applications we used had no place to indicate level of banjo playing ability.  Regrettably.

There was a story that circulated about a near-fatal encounter experienced by one of our field collectors who went to one of our financed homes to speak with a delinquent customer.  After knocking on the door and hearing the sound of dogs barking and growling, he retreated to his car to begin taking pictures of the home.  This was an accepted practice that he needed to complete in order to fill out the necessary condition report.  It wasn’t as acceptable to those dwelling in the home and one of them made this apparent by shooting at the field collector. 

I was told that when the field collector informed the police about the incident he was told that he was lucky–the homeowners usually sic their five pit bulls on people like him.  This information led me to compile a list of reasons why I wouldn’t try to go inside of a person’s house.

I’m not entering your house if…….

….there is a worn copy of a book titled “How to Cook a Fat Guy” anywhere in sight.

….there is a creepy-looking kid wearing dress clothes and a tie silently swinging on a play set in the yard.

….I hear anyone squealing like a pig.

….there are fresh chalk outlines on the sidewalk.

….there is a troupe of mimes performing on your porch.

….the front door opens on its own and creaks louder and longer than it has any business doing.

….my first step onto your property is accompanied by a lightning strike, the sound of thunder, and a mournful crow flying overhead.

….your door is locked, no one is home, and you haven’t given me permission to let myself in using the key you have hidden in a fake rock.

….your yard is littered with signs featuring pro-asbestos slogans like “Asbestos is the Best for Us!”

….your house is wallpapered with pictures of Robert Goulet.

This list doesn’t include the obvious ones like if there is a reasonable chance that I might be attacked by a pack of pit bulls, be shot at, or if I hear Celine Dion music being played at inappropriate levels. 

Additionally, this list highlights once again that I am not Jesus who once said:

Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears
 My voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and dine with him,
and he with Me.
Revelation 3:20

When Jesus knocks on the door of your spiritual house, He does so with a purpose.  He doesn’t care if your house is filthy or scary or strange–He desires to enter in and spend time with you. 

And it isn’t because you are good or worthy or faithful.

It’s because He is all of those things and so much more.

And He chooses to knock on our doors, call our names, and come in to stay awhile if we simply open up to Him.

Not even our sin or a pack of vicious pit bulls could keep him away.

(What are some other reasons why you probably wouldn’t try to enter someone’s house?  Why are we often hesitant to open the door when the Savior knocks?  Share away!)

 

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52 thoughts on “I’m Not Entering Your House If…..

  1. What are some reasons I wouldn’t enter someone’s house? Well Matt you got most of them. However one that is particular to me is that in most houses still have deep pile carpet in them, and my feelt love deep pile carpet so much, I need to take off my shoes and socks. Unfortuantely there is no sweet aroma coming out of my feet at any time.

    Another reason why I may not enter is that they don’t have a supply of twinkies around, or their supply of twinkies is rather outdated by about 3 years or so.

  2. I wouldn’t enter someone’s house if I saw a banner that said “Harry Potter Movie-A-Thon!” or if the host said “Hurry up! American Idol is almost on!”

  3. I ain’t entering your house if I see anything of Elvis close by. I thought he had left the building.

    I am not entering your house if I see a hangman’s noose in sight.

    I am not entering your house if I see a picture of Heith Ledger’s Joker anywhere around.

    I am not entering your house if I see anything other than a Hobbit, an elf, a Ranger, etc displayed.

    And I am not entering if I see slits in the door and walls and see them open as I approach and double barrels peeking out.

    To answer your more serious question: Fear.

    • I figured that you were a big-time Elvis fan. Maybe even an Elvis impersonator. Disappointing.

      And fear is one of the things that can paralyze us from opening up–fear of what we may have to do, fear of change, fear of being confronted with our sins.

  4. I wouldn’t enter a house that had a little animated cartoon character with a sign that says “you must be this tall to enter this house”.

    Oh, and I wouldn’t enter a house that has Kenneth Copeland coffee coasters.

  5. I would not enter if I knocked on the door and heard a Rooster crowing from inside. Those Roosters can put a hurtin’ on you! Only hens are acceptable house pets.

  6. I agree with Dustin on the garden gnomes. I don’t usually enter a house or yard that has mean looking dogs or if it looks like their house is apart of the garden. Yeah, not entering…also, I find dark houses really creepy. or if they cover the windows with blankets…weird.

  7. I’m not entering your house if I can see multiple freezers – serial killer!

    If you have blackout curtains or saws or butcher paper laying about – serial killer!

    If you have more weeds in your front bed than I do – lazier than me!

    I don’t always answer the door – in fact, two of the last three nights, someone has rang my doorbell and ran away in the middle of the night. I didn’t see anyone, maybe it was Jesus and I need to open the door… or, maybe it was a serial killer!

  8. I’m not entering your house if your yard is littered with crap, including a broken down hearse (no joke, there used to be a guy in my town with that in his yard)!

  9. I wouldn’t enter a house if there is a sign that reads “Proud Supporter of the NRA”

    Answer to question 2: Most of the time pride.

    • Oh–NRA members only shoot you if you need shootin’.

      And pride has been my hang up too often. Trying to handle things on or own makes messes.
      Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

  10. I don’t like to enter houses that smell funny or that have loud vicious chihuahuas yapping at the front door. I can’t stand those things!

  11. I wouldn’t enter a place if it had a sign over the door that read, for instance:

    Bates Motel

    Dr. Feelgood’s House of Proctology

    Ms. Penny’s Pain Palace

    Those would be bad.

    I also wouldn’t want to visit the BFI plant my dad used to manage (they did medical waste disposal).

  12. My wife and I were looking at houses a few years back.

    We showed up at one that was all alone in the boonies. The door was slightly open, so our real estate agent knocked and shouted for a little bit, then cautiously opened the door and went in.

    My wife and I waited outside, and it was a good thing, too.

    There was overwhelming stench coming from the house. Horrible; like burning poop inside an elephant carcass. Our agent came running back to the door, hand to her nose, choking, “GO! GO! GO!!!”

    We goed, right quick!

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