The Muppets According to Senator Jon Kyl

During the Federal Budget brouhaha last week, Republican Senator Jon Kyl made a hugely false statement concerning Planned Parenthood.  While I do not agree with that group’s views on abortion, I also do not agree with their opponents making up statistics in order to oppose them.  This alone caused the senator to come under scrutiny.  This scrutiny intensified when a reporter contacted Senator’s Kyl’s office to ask about the statement and was told that it “was not intended to be a factual statement…”

And that, ladies in gentlemen, is the best excuse EVER!  And it is also a statement that I intend to use soon.  Like right now.

So, in honor of my two-year-old’s newest infatuation, here are a 10 statements about the Muppets that are not intended to be factual.

1.  Miss Piggy’s friends think that she only eats turkey bacon.  They are mistaken.

2.  Fozzie Bear really is as kind and jovial as he seems…until he starts drinking.

3.  Kermit’s favorite t-shirt says, “I lied–it is easy being green.  Suckers!”

4.  Yes, Rowlf’s voice is super cool, but the five-pack-a-day habit that caused it isn’t.

5.  Animal is a meth addict.

6.  Dr. Bunsen Honeydew is his supplier.

7.  Nose jealousy caused Gonzo to coerce Jennifer Grey into undergoing rhinoplasty by promising to go through with it if she went first.

8.   Scooter steals cable.

9.   Contrary to his mild-mannered persona, the character of Jason Bourne was modeled after Beaker. 

10.  The Swedish Chef isn’t really Swedish; his name is Clarence and he’s from New Jersey.

I hope I didn’t offend anyone, after all I already said that these statements aren’t intended to be factual. 

Most people would call them lies.

No matter what they are called, when applied to you they hurt.

A false witness will not go unpunished, 
 And he who speaks lies will not escape.
Proverbs 19:5

Lies damage people.  Lies damage organization.  Lies damage the credibility of the liar and those he/she represents. 

Lies have hurt you.

Jesus says that He is the Truth; those  that  follow Him should love the truth and reject all  lies.

Even when they are called statements that are not intended to be factual.

(What other statements that are not intended to be factual could be made about the Muppets?  How have lies damaged you?   Share away!)



29 thoughts on “The Muppets According to Senator Jon Kyl

  1. Dude, you got me. My girls are 35 & 31. How in the world am I supposed to remember that far back when i can barely remember my name? My grandson is 4 but can only name sports personalities. But here is one: Snuffle-has-gas is really an anteater on steroids. Okay two: Bert & Ernie really don’t like each other.

  2. Funny stuff. Not offended at all. How bout this one…Statler and Waldorf (you know the two old guys heckling everyone in the balcony?) aren’t really puppets. They are really two old guys who used to clean up the studio but decided to hang out and heckle once the Muppet Show moved in.

  3. Nanny from the Muppet Babies cartoon was in fact played by Helen Mirren.

    Once someone lies to you, it is so hard to get that trust back. And if you don’t have trust, then any relationship will start to crumble. Praise God that He never lies to us. We can trust in His word.

  4. Animal is the love child of Ms. Piggy and Kermit. Interspecies procreation is a poor idea.

    You’ve hit on my biggest pet peeve – lying for Jesus. MY God is big enough, MY Jesus is good enough, MY Holy Spirit is righteous enough that if we tell the truth, it will set us free. Lying, even for a good cause, is still using the devil’s tools.

    Lies have hurt me. I have hurt others with lies. it’s a terrible cycle of destruction.

    • That’s explains a lot about Animal. Bless his heart.

      As for lying, I have heard ministers and speakers use illustrations about there life that have turned out to be false. It really damages everything else I ever heard them say.
      Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

  5. First, let me confess that I am a master of the lie of omission–leaving out the essential details that would entirely change, for instance, my wife’s perception in a given situation. The Lord is working this out of me.

    Second, Frank Oz didn’t really do the voice of Yoda in Empire Stikes Back. Everyone thinks that, but it was really Ozzie–of Ozzie & Harriet fame. It was the only job he could get at the time. 😉

      • Tell me about it! I’m the roots go back to childhood and the environment in which I was raised, but that’s no excuse for a Christ-follower.

        Also, Ozzie’s feat is all the more impressive considering he was 5 years dead by the time Empire came out. 😉

  6. I haven’t watched the muppets on years and I’m glad I haven’t they’re a rough group of puppets. 🙂 You’re exactly right about lies. They hurt yourself and others. I’m so glad that Jesus’ promises are true. What he’s said will come to past. Great post!

  7. I have seen a lie snowball into a gigantic lie…torn people apart, ruined relationships… and eventually saw restoration. Best to stay away from the lie in the first place.

  8. They never show their mother’s face. Only her legs, which leads me to believe she is a robot and the only “real” parts are her legs.

    You heard it here first.

  9. Teddy Ruxpin was originally slated to be on the Muppet Show, but Fozzie paid Kermit under the table for his spot. Also, they planted an Iron Maiden tape in Ruxpin while he wasn’t looking and hit play (it was a copied tape — had lots of silence at the beginning) so it went off during his screen tests.

    It’s weird to imagine, like Christopher Walken as Han Solo or Walter Matthau as Obi-Wan.

    What else is weird to imagine is someone NOT going through the trials and temptations that they so convincingly told you about. The most painful part is when you could have seen through their story but chose not to. We had a guy come into work (former manager, fired) who said he was leaving for Afghanistan that night and wanted to say goodbye. His story didn’t quite check out, but we let him go on with it. Later that week, I saw him driving through town. It’s like that.

  10. Well, I don’t want to ruin everyone’s day, but as it turned out, Animal wasn’t really playing the drums. It’s all click-track. Prerecorded. And Gonzo actually did have a trick card up his sleeve.

    Just sorry you guys had to hear it from me. 😦

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