Prophetic Thursday: Making Points

Welcome to Prophetic Thursday here at the blog.  Every Thursday I will peer down the pike and try to give you a heads up on what to expect within Christianity in the near and not so near future. To see the last 2 posts in this series click Here and Here.

Making Points

You don’t get to hear a lot of live preaching when you are a pastor.  You also don’t get to sit on the back row or stay home from church services to clean out your gutters, but the inability to listen to preaching is far worse.  I make up for this deficiency by wathcing a lot of preaching on television and via the internet. 

While doing this, I have noticed that us preachers aren’t very creative when it comes to emphasizing our main points.  We still make our points like this is still the 1950’s.  We still pound the pulpit.  We still raise our voices.  We still implore the audience to “listen…listen.”  We still use alliteration.  We still cuss. 

Okay…that last one isn’t true.  But you get the picture.  Our point making needs updating and I think there are a few creative pastors out there who are just off-kilter enough to do it.

In the not-too-distant future, I predict that you will see pastors making points by…..

….Yosemite Samming it up.  Is there a better way to say PAY ATTENTION than by hopping up and down while discharging a couple of firearms into the air?  You’re kidding, right?  A pastor would probably only get away with doing this once, but it would be worth it. 

….putting sunglasses on like Horatio Caine.  “In spite of what happened, God kept Daniel safe throughout the night and….” **puts sunglasses on** “…I’m not lion.” YEEEEAAAAAHHHHHH!

….body slamming a deacon.  I love deacons, but I would also love see this.  No  offense.  And if you are a deacon–learn to take a bump.

….performing a Michael  Jackson kick.  He-He-Heeee!

….saying “That’s what HE said!” after every point.  Somebody has to fill the void left by Michael Scott’s departure.

….using the ultimate in hand gestures:  Jazz Hands.  Be honest–this would be awesome.

….making it rain.  In an offering plate, of course.

….doing a vault off of the pulpit.  Made even better if done one-legged Kerri Strug style.

I realize that  the chance of these happening are slim, but there is still a possiblity of a few pastors breaking through the monotony to try one of these. 

And when they do, remember that you heard it here first.  (And send me the video).

(What are some other new ways that pastors could make their points?  What are some funny things you have heard your pastor say?  Share away!)

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68 thoughts on “Prophetic Thursday: Making Points

  1. What about have a ticker like on ESPN? On the screens it could scroll what point is coming up next and it could also scroll announcements. Would it be distracting? No says I. I watch SportsCenter everyday and it has a ticker on the side and bottom of the screen.

  2. …. pull a Saved by the Bell “timeout” where the pastor does a timeout “T” gesture, then proceeds to walk to the side of the stage, speak directly to the camera (while everyone in the congregation is ‘frozen’ of course). This would give the pastor an opportunity to speak freely…. 🙂

  3. Blow a vuvuzela before each point. This will not only emphasize the point and wake the congregation up, it will also punish all those heathen within 5 miles who sleep in on Sunday.

    Caution: not recommended for churches with historically significant stained glass windows.

    For bonus points, you can combine this with the church sponsorship idea by forming a relationship with a local psychiatry practice to offer discount services to those who develop a nervous tic between blasts.

  4. Pretending the congregation is deaf…

    That’s when you make your point and say, “Can you hear me? Can you hear me? Until you get an amen.

  5. Another idea: Exit Polling. Assign a deacon and a handful of armed guards to every exit, and give each congregation member a poll on your sermon points before leaving. Only those who can correctly quote all ten points are allowed to leave. The rest must return to their seats for a second-chance sermon opportunity. Since the pastor needs to get on the road to beat the to Denny’s/Showmar’s/Other for lunch, the second-chance sermon will consist of the sermon they have just heard rebroadcast from tape on the big screens. Additional broadcasts to follow till all congregation members have correctly answered the exit poll.

    For bonus points, after the first second-chance sermon broadcast, have each subsequent sermon repeat pre-recorded in another language, to ensure they aren’t cheating by passing around sermon notes from those who have already escaped.

  6. You mention MJ’s kick. How about the pastor who moonwalks all over the stage while preaching? how about the pastor dressing as chuck Norris and using a roundhouse kick for each new point?

  7. Oh man, my pastor when I lived in DC was crazy. Crazy in the most awesome way possible, but crazy none-the-less. I think the fact that he is from my hometown explains a lot. I remember one day that he thought people in the front weren’t excited enough about what he was saying, so he had everyone stand up and he jumped off the stage and crowd surfed. No joke. That really happened.

  8. I would like to see the Leroy Jethro Gibbs Slap to the back of the head. Not only will it make sure people in the congregation are awake, but what better way to drive a point home than hitting random people on the back of the head??

  9. One Sunday Matt tossed a clipboard to the side, and it flew through the air *just perfectly*… it hit the wall and put a hole right through the drywall! Okay, so maybe in his passion, he a *little more* than tossed it… and who knew that a clipboard was so aerodynamic in the first place? Who knew? Who knew? I think he made his point, though. That was nine years ago, and it’s still talked about today! Ha! 🙂

  10. how about this for a dramatic change…

    Just speak. Dont shout. Dont jump about. Just communicate like communication was intended. Some of the most powerful words I have ever heard have been softly spoken…. sermons included.

  11. Man, I would love to see the body slamming of a deacon. That’s a win right there!

    I would also like to see the pastor bring up a deacon and when he needs to emphazise a point, the preacher would say, “Jesus wept” and the deacon will get all “Puff Diddy” and say, “that’s right” or “hmm, yeah” and “Yeah, yeah!”. This would continue through the whole preaching.

  12. I guffawed at the Horatio sunglass suggestion. Perfect!

    I was at a youth service last night and the sweet college student giving the message would snap her fingers whenever she was making one of her points. It was cute. Possibly the wave of the future since a co-ed was doing it.

  13. I love the Horatio Craine and Michael Scott bit. That would be awesome. Our stage sits about 5 steps up off the floor. It’s fairly high. I would like to see the Pastor when he gets ready to make a point do some type of move from the stage to the floor. Like a 360 to Jazz hands. Yeah. Off the stage, 360, Jazz hands, the crowd would be shocked or would hold up score cards like judges.

    Or, what if the congregation judged certain parts of the service. If he made a point we could give it a 7 or 9 instead of amens. This way the pastor would really know how he was doing instead of having to rely on “amens” and “Hellelujah’s”

    Sorry I just got out of control… 🙂

  14. I wanna the “Matt Cannon Trusts You” visual sermon, where you:

    Turn your back to the congregation.
    Stand on the edge of the stage
    Fall backwards
    Allow someone to catch you

    That would be awesome!

    😉

  15. Lol. My favorite one was the nod to Michael Scott! 🙂

    I don’t know if you saw the video with the pastor who said forgiveness is the new “f word.” I just about died….

  16. Okay, this isn’t even funny, but my pastor (who also is the worship leader, because we’re a small church) has often said that it would be more appropriate if the praise team would be in the congregation, facing the same way. All of us focused on the object of our worship: Jesus.

  17. I think talking like an auctioneer would do the exact opposite of driving home a point, but I think it would be pretty funny.

    Somebody do it asap.

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