Prophetic Thursday: Christian-Themed Restaurants

Welcome to Prophetic Thursday here at the blog.  Every Thursday I will peer down the pike and try to give you a heads up on what to expect within Christianity in the near and not so near future. To see the last 2 posts in this series click Here and Here.

Christian-Themed Restaurants

The Christians that I come into contact with love Jesus. Or at least they say they love Jesus; it’s kind of hard to tell sometimes. They may attend church services regularly or semi-regularly. They may know the right things to say like, “I’ll be praying for you” or “God is sooo good.” They may even have a WWJD? bracelet somewhere in their junk drawer. But it can still be difficult to tell by looking at someone whether they really love Jesus or not.

There is another thing, though, that I and my Christian friends love that is far more easily seen:


I am a pastor of a Baptist church and we like to eat. Potlucks, special meals, benefit dinners, ice cream socials (don’t make fun–that is what they’re called), hog jowl eating contests (ok, I made that one up)–we like them all.  And we like going out to eat. There have been a few times that I have seen a good percentage of the congregation at the local Cracker Barrel after the Sunday morning service. Warning–the managers do not like it when you try to take up an offering.

So since we love Jesus and food, why not combine those two loves by having more Christian-themed restaurants?

I know that there are some of these out there, but there aren’t many of them and none are very well-known (unless you count Chick-fil-A). 

Here are a few restaurants that I expect to see in the near future:

1.  Adam’s Ribs. Disclaimer–I know a guy with a catering business with this name. But I think it would be a great Christian-themed restaurant at a nudist resort. Or not. Nevermind.

2.  The Miraculous Loaves and Fish Buffet. All-you-can-eat bread and fish. The only drawback is that you have to sit outside on the grass and the food is delivered to you by smelly guys carrying baskets.

3.  Jacob’s Stew Shack. Rich and hearty, Jacob’s stew is exactly what a hungry man wants after a long day of hunting. And it will only cost you your birthright. Sounds like a good deal to me!

4.  John the Baptist’s House of Locusts and Honey. If there are people willing to eat cicada ice cream, then there would be people willing to eat locust and wild honey. The strict dress code of camel’s-hair clothing would probably cause problems, though.

5.  Ezekiel’s Sweet Scroll Palace. People need more fiber, right? And paper is high in fiber, right? It can’t be much worse than cabbage.

I know that most of these don’t sound very appealing. But I also know that a lot people are weird and are constantly on the look-out for new places to eat.

So don’t be surprised if you happen to see one of these restaurants open up near you at some point in the future. And if you do, remember that you heard it here first.

(What are some other possible Christian-themed restaurants? Would you eat cicada ice cream? Share away!)


56 thoughts on “Prophetic Thursday: Christian-Themed Restaurants

  1. Jonah’s FishView Restaurant featuring fried intestines, fried fins, and…other stuff. Would I eat cicada ice cream? Not a chance. Not even with chocolate syrup poured all over it.

  2. Stronger brother cafe – all you can eat meat that has been sacrificed to idols. It’s not for everyone but those that eat there know that they aren’t the weaker brother that the Bible speaks of.

    That one stinks. I tried to come up with something better but all I could keep thinking of was Jesus telling us to eat his flesh and drink his blood. I couldn’t find a way to make that funny so the stronger brother is what you get. Sorry.

  3. Snicker!

    Pharisee Phillies. The hygiene code is pretty intense and pork is banned, but at least all those pesky gentiles are left on the outs.

  4. “The Unfortunate Concubine” a place for friends. We divide delicious concubine into twelve pieces, limb by limb and deliver each piece throughout all the territory (Free delivery)


  5. yes i would love to see more christian places all gods children need to let their lights brighter too many have fallen by the wayside and many are too proud to pray in public for someone or praise in public we need to get back to obeying the holy spirit

  6. Noah’s Arky Arky: Feast on anything and everything. (Yea..that’s the best that I can do).

    And no in the heck would I eat cicada ice cream Gross.

  7. Oh my goodness. I’ve never heard of ANY of those restaurants. But we knew of some Hispanic people who had a Mexican restuarant in town. Does that count?

  8. No cicada ice cream for me. I don’t even like chocolate-covered ants…and I like chocolate on almost anything. Maybe another theme idea would be The Widow’s Bottomless Cruse. Of course, cornbread alone might be a boring menu.

  9. Samson’s Lion Man House of BBQ–where everything is honey glazed, and all they play is Mumford & Sons

    Chitlins on a Spit–by Ehud

    Jael’s Sweetbreads–home of chilled, baked, sautéed, seared, and pan-fried brains

  10. How about Elijah’s Broom Bush?
    Great bread. Great drink.

    You’d better fill up. There ain’t another place to eat for MILES!

  11. Somewhere there’s a tie in to Peter and the fish with the coin in it’s mouth.

    Great stuff! Thank you for the chuckle. You should compile these into an eBook or something.

  12. Hey guys and girls – pretty funny and really creative. My fav was ‘Cheeses of Nazareth’.
    But seriously now … a buddy just called me – a businessman in Texas. He’s thinking about starting a praise and worship restaurant franchise – for real. He described it as a Jason’s Deli/Sonic idea with praise and worship music playing. I shot back a Hard Rock Cafe type theme, but with the Christian Music industry endorsement/decor. It would be a for-profit, but all the profits would be pushed back to ministry.
    My buddy comes up with some uber-unique ideas but he’s got the will and the capital to back them up and sometimes they work out well – ever heard of clear plastic orthodontic braces? (I won’t say the brand name).
    Is something like this doable in this society or am I missing a trap door. Would love the comments.

  13. You post very interesting content here. Your page deserves much more traffic.
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  14. I am planning opening a seafood restaurant, any thoughts on my possible business name, ‘The Red Sea’, ( a home of fresh seafoods)
    Any thoughts?

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