Spending one week in Virginia does not make me an expert on that particular commonwealth. Our first night there was spent in a hotel room that was far to small for 2 parents and 5 children. The rest of the week was spent in a 3-bedroom cabin at a resort in Gordonsville.
Gordonsville is a small town northeast of Charlottesville in central-ish Virginia. Probably named after some guy named Gordon. I don’t know.
And when I say that we spent the week in a cabin, I don’t mean that we spent the whole week sitting in a cabin. We did stuff. We spent one day in Washington, DC. We visited Monticello (Thomas Jefferson’s place) and Montpelier (James Madison’s place)—-neither of them were home. We spent a lot of time in the resort’s pool and getting lost on back roads. We had a great time.
But I have a confession…..
I’m not sure that the “Virginia is for Lovers” slogan is the one that they should still be using.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s a fine slogan. But after spending a week in Virginia I have come up with a few new slogans that Virginia could use. Here they are:
1. Virginia is for Bad Driving. Remember that scene in Groundhog Day when Bill Murray’s character goes a little crazy, steals both a truck and Punxsatawney Phil, and is chased by police? Remember how he lets the groundhog drive? I think most of the people in Virginia are being chauffeured by groundhogs.
2. Virginia is for Ants. Our cabin had 3 bedrooms, six beds, 2 1/2 bathrooms, a large dining table, a washer/dryer, a nice back deck, and about 478,352 ants. I’m not talking about little bitty scrawny ants. I’m talking about big ‘ol pick-up-a-Kia sized ants. If you peeked into our cabin that first night, we weren’t practicing for a Gordonsville production of Riverdance. We were stomping on ants.
3. Virginia is for Backward Toilets. Toilet handles on regular, non-public toilets are supposed to be on the left. I have no verifiable data to back this up, but it is still true. Why? Because I said so (quit acting like my kids). Anyway, the toilets at our cabin were backward; the handles were on the right. And every time I tried to flush I reached to the left. It’s possible that I had some disparaging words for the toilets last week.
4. Virginia isn’t for Shoe Stores. Unbeknownst to us, the GPS that we borrowed was set for “shortest distance” instead of “fastest route.” This means that it took us on back-roads and highways as we headed to Washington, DC. Yay us! We were looking for a shoe store as we traveled because my wife forgot her tennis shoes and did not want to walk around our nation’s capitol wearing sandals. We never found a shoe store. Does the constitution of the commonwealth of Virginia have an amendment against shoe stores? Probably.
Let’s get real for a moment. “Virginia is for Lovers” has been Virginia’s slogan since 1969, so I don’t think that they’ll be changing it anytime soon. As I think more about it and about my week in Virginia, I suppose they really shouldn’t try.
I love my wife and being with her more last week made me love her even more.
I love my kids and being around them made me love them even more.
I love ice cream and eating it every day while on vacation made me love it even more.
And being away from the craziness of life with the ability to commune with God with an uncluttered mind made me love Him even more.
Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart,
and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind.
I guess they can stick with “Virginia is for Lovers.” But if they ever change to “Virginia is for Ants” I better be getting some recognition.
(What could your state’s motto be? What are some things that your state is for? Where did you go on your last vacation? Share away!)