Prophetic Thursday: Fireworks

Welcome to Prophetic Thursday here at the blog.  Every Thursday I will peer down the pike and try to give you a heads up on what to expect within Christianity in the near and not so near future. To see the last 2 posts in this series click Here and Here.


I’ve never been much of a fireworks-kind-of-guy. It’s mainly because I am so fond of my phalanges.

Don’t get me wrong–I really enjoy watching fireworks. Especially when the explosions are set to music. There is something magical about watching bright, multi-colored smiley faces appear in the night sky while listening to Bobby McFerrin implore me to not worry and to be happy.

I suppose that I am the way that I am because my parents weren’t big into fireworks when I was a kid. Unless you count sparklers. For some reason they loved sparklers. They probably thought that sparklers were safer even though they are essentially flaming sticks of despair.

Even though fireworks aren’t my thing, it appears that I am in the minority. The firework industry seems to be thriving, but there is something missing.

Bible themed fireworks.

As far as I know, there aren’t any fireworks like this. But there should be.

Here are a six that I expect to see in the coming years:

1. The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse. This terrifying firework sends four large flaming balls of red, white, black, and pale screaming into the crowd. Is pale a color? If clam chowder can be a color, then pale can be a color. I picture it being a whiter shade of white.

2. The Bathsheba. This firework starts out beautiful and then it causes you to commit adultery, have someone killed, and never have peace in your family again.

3. The Song of Solomon. This firework contains material that may not be suitable for children. Parental discretion is advised.

4. The Firework of Many Colors. Only favorite sons are allowed to view this firework while all of their siblings are doing yard work. Warning–may cause extreme jealousy leading to the favorite sons being sold into slavery.

5. The Lazarus. This firework goes up, explodes, dies, and falls to the ground. Then four days later it reignites and shoots back up into the air. Hopefully not around people with heart trouble. Or me.

6. The Sodom and Gomorrah. If you see this firework going up, hop in a car and drive it like you stole it. But don’t look back. You may not turn into a pillar of salt, but you very well could turn into a telephone pole.

On second thought, maybe Bible themed fireworks aren’t such a good idea. Some of them do seem kind of violent.  But I still think you should prepare yourself because they could one day become a reality.

And if they do, remember that you heard it here first.

What other Bible themed fireworks should we be looking forward to?

Do you “do” fireworks?


23 thoughts on “Prophetic Thursday: Fireworks

  1. how about a firework(s) that have a boom so loud that the earth shakes and things begin to topple. Watch out for walls and buildings and head for the hills!

    btw; I am with you on the fireworks. I have never bought any and have no plans to…grandson or no grandson. Money is too valuable to me to waste it.

  2. I’m with you on the fireworks. I would like them better if people gave me gifts after it’s over. I love gifts.

    How about the seven days of creation fireworks? It goes through all of the six days of creation and then takes a break for the seventh.

  3. These are HILARIOUS! I am a fireworks “watcher” only – NOT a “doer” thank you very much. The kids next to us on the lake were shooting the illegal kind right above our heads and the debris would come raining down on us. I would often have my face and camera up taking pictures – only to feel things falling on my face and in my hair. I can’t remember that ever happening before. NOT a fan.

  4. What about the Road to Damascus fireworks? They explode and cover your eyes with scales to blind you…hmmm, that might not go over too well with most people though…

  5. Well if you want to go Old Testament, you can check out Korach. That is some messed up stuff. Korach’s tents get swallowed up by G-d because Korach dares to challenge Moses and Aaron leadership publicly on a whole bunch of stuff.

    So, I guess this would be the anti-firework. The earth would just have to open up and swallow everyone up. The end. 😉

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