Welcome to Prophetic Thursday here at the blog. Every Thursday I will peer down the pike and try to give you a heads up on what to expect within Christianity in the near and not so near future. To see the last 2 posts in this series click Here and Here.
I’ve never been much of a fireworks-kind-of-guy. It’s mainly because I am so fond of my phalanges.
Don’t get me wrong–I really enjoy watching fireworks. Especially when the explosions are set to music. There is something magical about watching bright, multi-colored smiley faces appear in the night sky while listening to Bobby McFerrin implore me to not worry and to be happy.
I suppose that I am the way that I am because my parents weren’t big into fireworks when I was a kid. Unless you count sparklers. For some reason they loved sparklers. They probably thought that sparklers were safer even though they are essentially flaming sticks of despair.
Even though fireworks aren’t my thing, it appears that I am in the minority. The firework industry seems to be thriving, but there is something missing.
Bible themed fireworks.
As far as I know, there aren’t any fireworks like this. But there should be.
Here are a six that I expect to see in the coming years:
1. The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse. This terrifying firework sends four large flaming balls of red, white, black, and pale screaming into the crowd. Is pale a color? If clam chowder can be a color, then pale can be a color. I picture it being a whiter shade of white.
2. The Bathsheba. This firework starts out beautiful and then it causes you to commit adultery, have someone killed, and never have peace in your family again.
3. The Song of Solomon. This firework contains material that may not be suitable for children. Parental discretion is advised.
4. The Firework of Many Colors. Only favorite sons are allowed to view this firework while all of their siblings are doing yard work. Warning–may cause extreme jealousy leading to the favorite sons being sold into slavery.
5. The Lazarus. This firework goes up, explodes, dies, and falls to the ground. Then four days later it reignites and shoots back up into the air. Hopefully not around people with heart trouble. Or me.
6. The Sodom and Gomorrah. If you see this firework going up, hop in a car and drive it like you stole it. But don’t look back. You may not turn into a pillar of salt, but you very well could turn into a telephone pole.
On second thought, maybe Bible themed fireworks aren’t such a good idea. Some of them do seem kind of violent. But I still think you should prepare yourself because they could one day become a reality.
And if they do, remember that you heard it here first.
What other Bible themed fireworks should we be looking forward to?
Do you “do” fireworks?