If you need help reaching something on a high shelf–I’m your man. That kind of thing is right up my alley. In fact, I am certain that this is one of the reasons that Kristy wanted to marry me.
If you need something carried–I’m your man. I’ve been carrying things nearly all of my life. I am a ninja when it comes to carrying bags of groceries. People have been known to follow us home from the store just to watch me carry our groceries inside our house. Not really. But they should. Free entertainment is hard to come by.
If you need to hear corny jokes–I’m your man. Corny jokes are just about the only kind that I know. I specialize in elephant jokes, but also enjoy a stupid pun on occasion.
If you need someone to help you match your clothes–I’m not your man. I see a guy on a regular basis wearing plaid shorts and a striped shirt. Apparently this is a fashion “no-no.” Especially when none of the colors match. What do I think whenever I see him? “That doesn’t look too bad.”
If you need someone to try an exotic food–I’m not your man. My in-laws put mayonnaise in their mashed potatoes. Yes–mayonnaise! Which is essentially flavored snot! Whenever they make mashed potatoes, they always make me a separate batch minus the mayo. I know mayo is not exotic (unless you think beanie weenies are extravagant) , but you probably get the picture.
If you need someone to not freak out when a kid throws up–I’m not your man. We have 5 kids and because of this I have dealt with more than my share of nasty stuff. I have been dealing with dirty diapers for 9 years with only a 6 month break to provide a breather. I am been peed on, pooped on, and puked on. Yet I still act like a squeamish kindergartener when it comes to seeing projectile vomit. Don’t judge me.
So…if you need certain things–I’m your man. But if you need certain other things–I’m not your man.
But if you need someone to pray for you–I am definitely your man.
I haven’t asked how I can pray for you in a while and now that I am no longer a pastor I have more time to pray for you than I have in the past.
So–how can I pray for you today?