I’m Your Man

If you need help reaching something on a high shelf–I’m your man. That kind of thing is right up my alley. In fact, I am certain that this is one of the reasons that Kristy wanted to marry me.

If you need something carried–I’m your man. I’ve been carrying things nearly all of my life. I am a ninja when it comes to carrying bags of groceries. People have been known to follow us home from the store just to watch me carry our groceries inside our house. Not really. But they should. Free entertainment is hard to come by.

If you need to hear corny jokes–I’m your man. Corny jokes are just about the only kind that I know. I specialize in elephant jokes, but also enjoy a stupid pun on occasion.

But…..

If you need someone to help you match your clothes–I’m not your man. I see a guy on a regular basis wearing plaid shorts and a striped shirt. Apparently this is a fashion “no-no.” Especially when none of the colors match. What do I think whenever I see him? “That doesn’t look too bad.”

If you need someone to try an exotic food–I’m not your man. My in-laws put mayonnaise in their mashed potatoes. Yes–mayonnaise! Which is essentially flavored snot! Whenever they make mashed potatoes, they always make me a separate batch minus the mayo. I know mayo is not exotic (unless you think beanie weenies are extravagant) , but you probably get the picture.

If you need someone to not freak out when a kid throws up–I’m not your man. We have 5 kids and because of this I have dealt with more than my share of nasty stuff. I have been dealing with dirty diapers for 9 years with only a 6 month break  to provide a breather. I am been peed on, pooped on, and puked on. Yet I still act like a squeamish kindergartener when it comes to seeing projectile vomit. Don’t judge me.

So…if you need certain things–I’m your man. But if you need certain other things–I’m not your man.

But if you need someone to pray for you–I am definitely your man.

I haven’t asked how I can pray for you in a while and now that I am no longer a pastor I have more time to pray for you than I have in the past.

So–how can I pray for you today?

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49 thoughts on “I’m Your Man

  1. Permission to comment freely? Are you the one who wears the plaid and striped outfit and think “Not bad” when you look into the mirror? Mayo on the mashed potatoes? Sounds like projectile time if you ask me. Oh yeah, you don’t like that. To be honest: I can’t stand mayo so that sound absolutely, 100% gross. As for the latter saying: “you can the man out of the pastor(ate) but you cannot take the pastor out of the man.” You are a pastor Matt, only in a different way. I would appreciate your prayers. My latest post describes a “new thing” that has happened to my wife and I. http://billgrandi.ovcf.org/wordpress/?p=6423

  2. I hate mayo. I think it’s liposuction in a jar. Gag nasty! As for prayer my wife and I are praying about a big change. It’s really scary and doesn’t make sense. I’m not at a place to talk about it now but I’d love the prayers.

  3. You and Shep both talked about puke today. I’m sensing a theme around the interwebs.

    I’d appreciate prayer in this time of major transition in our lives and in our church.

  4. We can now be best friends due to our mutual disdain for mayonnaise!

    I could use some prayer for my relationship and my upcoming marriage in less than 7 weeks! Thanks bro. I’m praying for you too.

  5. I also hate mayo… Especially in mashed potatoes. Who would ruin them?

    I could use some prayers for some major projects I’ve got going on at church. Lots of stress to hit a deadline.

  6. I’m okay with the puke, not so much with boogers. Even just typing that made me feel squicky. Ugh.

    Prayers for the book mostly. That we’ll get everything done in time and that it will reach the folks that it needs to reach.

  7. So glad I’m not alone about the mayo thing. My wife treats me like an alien because it grosses me out so much.

    Hmm, prayers… Lots of battles going on. Please pray simply that God’s will be done.

  8. I need prayer for strength to go through i have been wo water for 2 months now electric off and some kids decided it would be fun to throw an egg at a walkin person whom they have no idea who i was so i just dont understand why people so mean

  9. Mashed potatoes with mayo are not mashed potatoes. That’s called potato salad.

    Prayers? This country, safety for the school year, and grace–giving and receiving it.

  10. You are so funny. I love Mayo – hate Miracle Whip. I think that should have been stated – Mayo or Miracle? I say Mayo. Miracle whip is just nasty. Let’s see – you could pray for our son who is living in Burbank and starts school in October. His loan doesn’t kick in until November – so his job needs to cover his rent until then 🙂

  11. Lots of stuff going at in our church. I know now how rumors can destroy people. Please help me pray for healing and perseverance for the congregation. I appreciate it.

    Thanks for your passion buddy

    * left comma off again – Doh!

    • Rumors/gossip can be devastating. Will be praying big time.

      Here are a few extra commas since you seem to be low on them ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
      Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

  12. I can’t handle puke either. One of my bud’s little girls used to throw up on me every time I held her. I stopped holding her so I wouldn’t be tempted to throw her off me when the puke came out.

    As for prayers – definitely prayers for my college ministry, Ignite. We always need prayer for that. Also – I applied for a graphic design job at my alma mater, so definitely prayer that I get an interview and an offer. My finances can’t handle the PT job too much longer…

    How can I be praying for you?

      • Thanks Matt – and I will definitely be praying.

        Have you had a lot of opportunities since leaving your church? I know you had two speaking engagements (I think), but has anything else come up since then?

        • Thanks, man. There have been 4 Sundays since my resignation and I have been blessed with the opportunity to preach 2 services on 3 of those 4 Sundays. In addition, I am scheduled to preach 2 times this Sunday and 2 times on Sept. 11th. As I write it out, it seems like a lot. But I have a burden on my heart for more.

          • That’s awesome Matt!

            How did you go about booking those services (or did those pastors/churches call you)? I want to start getting into churches and doing speaking engagements to raise awareness about Ignite and just connect us with more churches, but I’m trying to see how others were successful in doing that so I don’t make rookie mistakes.

  13. I’ll join the chorus of mayo haters. The smell of it makes me gag. Don’t know why, but I steer clear. How can you pray for me? I’d appreciate your prayers for my web design/webmaster business. Need some things to break open there. Thanks Matt.

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