Prophetic Thursday: Biblical Dance Moves

Prophetic Thursday is where I peer down the pike and try to give you a heads up on what to expect within Christianity in the near and not so near future. To see the two most recent posts in this series, click Here and Here.

Biblical Dance Moves

I don’t have them moves like Jagger, mostly because I have no idea what that means. But if things go the way that I expect them to, I may one day have them moves like Jonah. Let me explain.

While I don’t know anything about dancing, I do know a few things about creativity. And one thing I know about creativity is that it is extremely difficult coming up with new ideas. This is probably true for dance moves as well.

It is only a matter of time before dancers take a look at the Bible and come up with moves based on some of the people they read about there. Here are a few dance moves we will probably be seeing soon:

1. The Jonah. This is where you jump into a squat on the dance floor (like you have been thrown overboard into the water), hold the squat for three seconds (like you are in the whale’s belly for three days), and then jump up and flop back onto the floor (like you have been vomited up onto dry land). It will not be a popular dance.

2. The Noah. Just round-up everyone (like they are animals) onto the middle of the dance floor (like it’s the ark) and have everyone bob up and down (like they are floating on quickly rising water). Afterward act like you are sacrificing some of the “animals.” Again, not popular.

3. The Lot’s Wife. Walk across the dance floor at a rapid pace looking frantic and scared. Stop, look back, and then crumble to the floor as though you have been turned into salt. Will this dance be popular? Um…no.

4. The Jeremiah. Otherwise known as “The Weeping Prophet.” Just stand in the middle of the dance floor and cry.  Popular only for emotional people after a bad break-up.

5. The Zacchaeus. This is where you push through a crowd of people, climb up onto a table or chair, act like you are looking for someone, then hop off the chair before going home and eating with family and friends. Again, not very popular.

So….this will probably never happen. And that is a good thing. We should learn from the Biblical characters about how to best follow and honor God, not waste time making up dance moves about them.

But if it ever does happen, remember that you heard it here first.

What other some other possible Biblical dance moves?


39 thoughts on “Prophetic Thursday: Biblical Dance Moves

  1. I was thinking The David (pre-King David). The move starts with you bending down pretending to pick up a few stones. Next you swing your arm around. And the move ends with a victory cheer (as if you just killed a giant).

  2. The Enoch. Just walk and disappear. This one is good for folks who are shy.

    Also, the “Judges” dance. You have a blast dancing for a while, than one person comes up and kills all of them. Then, some other people come in and dance again, and another comes up and kills all of them. And so on… and so fort…. (very unpopular).

  3. Not exactly “Biblical”, but you could have the Foot Function. When I was at Carson-Newman, we could not have dances nor advertise them. But we could have Foot Functions.

    I would say the David as well. It could be a undignified dance, nut that would also ne about anytime I dance.

    The Elijah….some kind of Chariot of Fire dance.

  4. Ohhhh, I’ve had moves like Jagger stuck in my head for dayyyyys. And was currently crooning them when I saw this on twitter. Coincidence?

    Maybe we should have them moves like Jesus?

  5. You get on with your bad self, Matt. I def need to test out these moves.

    How about a take on the Party Rockers shufflin shufflin…similar to the Israelites wandering in the dessert, but way cooler. And, you have to wear zebra print pants.

    You could also do something along the lines of Mary Magdalene meets Willow Smith’s “Whip My Hair”. Instead of creating art with paint, it would be with perfume.

  6. There’s been a couple of suggestions of the David already, but I think we need to go with the “David & Michal” to make it a pairs dance. The male partner dances as wildly as he wants, while the female partner scowls and taps her foot at him. This dance was first pioneered by teenage daughters when their fathers pulled out the disco moves at the school father-daughter dance.

    The Dothan: This one requires a dance caller to work. All the dancers wear blindfolds and make a circle around the dance floor. The dance caller then calls out various dance moves as they follow the sound of his voice in something resembling a congo line, and leads them to a neighboring church of a different denomination, where he has them take off their blindfolds and instructs the destination pastor to feed them and then send them home. For best results, lead an especially conservative congregation to your nearest snake-handlers and be sure to arrive while the reptiles are being passed for the most authentic “we’re all going to die” experience when the blindfolds are lifted. *

    * While not as authentic an experience, studies show that 93% of attempts at the Dothan dance end up in a Baptist church as we all know they have the best potlucks.

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