The Most Interesting Pastor in the World

His blood type is “KJV Positive.”

If Charles Spurgeon, Jonathan Edwards, and John Piper were cloned the clones would attend his church.

He replaced the communion wafers with Cheez-Its and no one complained.

Contrary to popular belief Chick-fil-A is open on Sunday, but only to him.

When he tells the congregation to bow their heads and close their eyes, EVERYBODY does it.

He didn’t learn Greek in seminary, Greek learned him.

Following him on Twitter has become the 5th Spiritual Law.

No one has ever slept during one of his sermons…or for 3 days afterward.

He doesn’t need a heated baptistry; the water gets hot enough when he steps into it.

The first word he ever said was “casserole.”

When the lamb he brought on stage as a sermon illustration was eaten by the lion PETA didn’t say a word.

James Earl Jones is jealous of his voice.

He doesn’t alliterate every sermon point, he alliterates every syllable.

The “New Members Class” at his church can be used for credit at every reputable Bible college.

When he prays before a meal the food becomes fat-free.

Billy Graham has been called the previous him.

Succession plan? He don’t need no stinkin’ succession plan.

His blog is so cool that no one knows it exists, yet it still gets over 10 million hits a day.

Emergents tremble at the sound of his name.

He doesn’t brag about weekly conversion totals on Twitter because 140 characters isn’t enough space.

He is….The Most Interesting Pastor in the World.

“Drink of the Living Water and never be thirsty again, my friends.”

What other facts can you think of for the Most Interesting Pastor in the World?

 

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31 thoughts on “The Most Interesting Pastor in the World

  1. Oh I love it. Especially the Billy Graham part – the “previous him.” That’s funny.

    The wine he serves at communion is vintage Welch’s, but you can still get a buzz from it.

  2. He doesn’t turn water into wine, he turns wine into water.

    He doesn’t walk on water, water walks on him.

    His hemorrhoids are baptized with alcohol instead of preparation H.

  3. A glance into his eyes has been deemed a means of grace. When the role is called up yonder, he’ll be doing the calling. Praise song and hymn writers check with him about the theology in their songs.

  4. This is freakin’ hilarious! I love It!
    He is able to attend every meeting, every Sunday school class, and every visitation without missing a beat. His whole church is happy with him ALL the time.

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