An Open Letter to People Who Put Mayonnaise on Sandwiches Served to Others

Dear People Who Put Mayonnaise on Sandwiches Served to Others,



People Who Enjoy Sandwiches Yet Lack the Necessary X-Ray Vision to Detect Mayonnaise on Sandwiches Before Taking a Big Bite Out of Them


How do you feel about mayonnaise? And if you like it, what’s wrong with you?


34 thoughts on “An Open Letter to People Who Put Mayonnaise on Sandwiches Served to Others

  1. I do love mayonnaise. Specifically, I am passionate about Duke’s. But I would never serve you a sandwich with it. I would ask if you wanted it or have the jar out and let you apply/not apply it yourself. For the first 21 years of my life, I ate dry sandwiches. It was because we did not use mayonnaise. Instead, we used the white salad dressing that looks like mayonnaise. There is no comparison. Mayonnaise is superior.

  2. I’m pretty meh about mayo. Wouldn’t really put it on a sandwich myself, but if it’s there, I’m okay. But put Miracle Whip on a sandwich and I might have to beat you. I have serious questions about people who can stomach that stuff.

  3. Apologies to alisewrite, but I LOVE Miracle Whip. I can’t get enough of that tangy zip. 🙂 My wife on the other hand is a big mayo fan, whereas I can’t stand the stuff.

  4. I have also been diagnosed as a “mayo-phobic”. My affliction goes far beyond the normal fear of others. I refuse to use the “M” word and will go to extreme measures to avoid the grocery isle that harbors the Hellmans. However, we are not alone. Rachael Ray(cooking show host from the Food Network) also suffers from this same affliction. Also, this condition is the ONLY thing that President Barack Obama and I have in common. I think the Mayo Clinic (it only makes sense) needs to develop a treatment for those of us who battle this fear on a daily basis.

    • Yes, for my whole life I have had an extreme aversion to m———-. It is “white death,” in my opinion. My parents and brothers tease me about this mercilessly. My children don’t eat m———– because I have deemed it too disgusting to allow any in my house.

      I don’t know if I could stomach going to the Mayo Clinic for a cure. Cuz that would be like going to a medical place called “White Death Clinic.” Plus, if I was cured, then I would have to eat m————-.

  5. I actually made my own mayonnaise over the weekend for the first time. I’m not a huge fan of mayo. But I make a really awesome chicken salad that just can’t be made without it. If you make stuff yourself, you know exactly what’s in it….no long, chemically-poisonous-sounding stuff

  6. Someday, when I have the intestinal fortitude, I will tell the tale of how my wife once defiled a sandwich with packetized mayo.

    That’s right: left over mayo packets from the grocery store sandwich counter. What she didn’t know was:

    The mayo was spoiled.

    I bit into that sandwich.

    I hate mayo.

  7. Miracle Whip, most definitely. On ham, yes. Burgers, hot dogs, no.

    But the most gagful use of mayonnaise is on a perfectly good peanut butter and banana sandwich – GAG!

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