Possible Copycats of Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter is a movie (based on a book by the same name) set to be released on June 22nd. It tells the untold “true” story of Abraham Lincoln’s fight against vampires. The more I hear about the movie/book, the more I am intrigued by it.

It also looks like an absolute, sure-fire hit. Which means there are bound to be copycats of it in the future.

That’s right–there will be more untold “true” stories of former presidents coming our way on the big screen. Look for these over the next few years at a theater near you.

1. George Washington: Amway Salesman. The story of how George Washington went from our beloved first president to someone everyone avoids.

2. William Howard Taft: Sandwich Artist. William Howard Taft is regarded as the heaviest president in history. This movie tells how this happened. Hint: he liked sandwiches.

3. Gerald Ford: Cabbage Enthusiast. Ford was to the cabbage industry what Eisenhower was to the interstate system and Kennedy was to the space program.

4. Theodore Roosevelt: Pet Detective. Long before Ace Ventura came on the scene, Roosevelt used the full power of the Oval Office to find lost pets from sea to shining sea.

5. Jimmy Carter: Dental Hygienist. Those pretty teeth are no accident.

6. Rutherford B. Hayes: President. The untold story of how Hayes really was the President of the United States even though no one ever remembers him.

7. Bill Clinton: Waffle House Grill Cook. Bill Clinton was President; Bubba Clinton worked the weekend night shift at Waffle House. They were the same person!

8. Thomas Jefferson: Spoon Player. He would not have been the diplomat that he was without his ability to wow the other world leaders with his spoon playing skills.

9. Richard Nixon: Alpaca Farmer. His alpacas didn’t care whether or not he was a crook as long as they were well-fed.

10. James K. Polk: Party Planner. Ain’t no party like a James K. Polk party!

Will any of these copycats ever be made. Probably not.

But a guy can dream, can’t he?

Can you think of any other possible copycats? If so–share away!

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9 thoughts on “Possible Copycats of Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter

  1. William Taft’s sandwiches weren’t the ultimate culprit for his size. It was just one ingredient on his sandwiches that caused him to expand…the mayonnaise.

  2. These are hilarious! I could see Clinton as a secret Waffle House cook.

    Now I have to go back and read the comments about mayonnaise. Perhaps I am not the only one in the world who hates mayonnaise – up until now I felt all alone in the world.

  3. Fun stuff Matt. Yes, the book was great and I expect the movie to be the same. I’m reading Smith’s current novel in which he imagines the 3 wise men to be escaped prisoners from murderous Harold. The gang ends up on an escape to Egypt plot with Joseph, Mary, and baby Jesus. Pretty good book so far. Oh, and #3 is my favorite on your list.

  4. Good day! This post could not be written any better!

    Reading this post reminds me of my good old room mate!
    He always kept chatting about this. I will forward this post to him.
    Pretty sure he will have a good read. Thanks for sharing!

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