Ten Non-Quotes About Lebron’s Headbands

I have been enjoying the NBA Playoffs and am hoping for an exciting NBA Finals. There is one thing that is bothering me, though. Lebron James’s headbands.

Why? Because they are terribly, terrifyingly, enormously wide. How wide? Wide enough for words to be put in the mouths of others regarding them.

Here are ten non-quotes about Lebron’s headbands:

1. “Could Lebron’s headbands BE any wider?” – Chandler Bing

2. “The only thing we have to fear is fear itself. And Lebron’s headbands becoming a national trend. Can you imagine?” – Franklin D. Roosevelt

3. “To err is human, to forgive divine, to wear a headband that wide ridiculous.” – Alexander Pope

4. “You can fool some of the people about your receding hairline all of the time, and all of the people about your receding hairline some of the time, but you can not fool all of the people about your receding hairline all of the time.” – Abraham Lincoln

5. “My Mama always  said, “Life is like a humongously wide headband; sometimes it’s just stupid.” – Forrest Gump

6. “Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon ’em. And some spend too much time adjusting their headbands.” – William Shakespeare

7. “I worry what you just heard was: give me a headband. What I said was: give me the widest headband you have.” – Ron Swanson

8. “Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall. And replace it with one of Lebron’s headbands. It’s just as big, but a little less intimidating.”–Ronald Reagan

9. “You don’t understand! I coulda had class. I coulda been a contender. I could’ve been somebody, instead of a bum with wide headbands, which is what I am.” – Terry Malloy

10. “Don’t push me ’cause I’m close to the edge. I’m tryin’ not to lose my head (bands).” – Grandmaster Flash

What do you think?

Can you come up with anymore non-quotes about Lebron’s headband?

Share them in the comments!

(Note: This is satire and is not to be taken seriously. Laugh a little, folks–it’s good for the soul.)


8 thoughts on “Ten Non-Quotes About Lebron’s Headbands

  1. I dont have a comment about Lebron’s headband, but what’s with the fake glasses???
    They are getting a little rediculous. Looks like a nerd convention instead of a post
    game conference for the NBA playoffs, and Westbrook had the crazy shirt to match
    his RED thick rimmed glasses. OH my!! A trend now was not a good thing back in
    day if we looked like that we would be crammed in a locker/trash can or maybe both.

  2. “Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your headbands!” –Marc Antony

    “Once more unto the headband.” — Henry IV

    “You won’t sink this headband!” –Lieutenant Dan

    “A headband in every pot.” –every politician, ever

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