Five Reasons to Hate the Miami Heat

My favorite baseball team is the Cincinnati Reds. My second favorite team is whoever is playing the New York Yankees. I have long thought people who are Yankees fans would have probably also pulled for Goliath.

I do not dislike the Miami Heat with this same passion, but it is close. And since the Heat are currently in the NBA Finals and since some of you are undecided about whether you should dislike them or not, I thought I would give you a few reasons to do so.

1. Lebron James’ headband. It’s wide. WIDE. Grotesquely wide. Ridiculously wide. So wide it could be used as a tube top on most of the world’s female population. So wide I have written a whole blog post about it. Do I have issues for disliking the wideness of Lebron’s headbands? YES! But I’m trying to get over it.

2. The spelling of Dwyane Wade’s first name. Who am I to say he spells his name incorrectly? Someone who spells his name correctly, that’s who. It’s “Matt,” not “Myatt.” Sheesh.

3. The way they flop. And the Oscar for Best Flopping in a Basketball Game goes to….the Miami Heat.

4. There are rumors that James, Wade, and Chris Bosh are looking at restructuring their contracts to add Carmelo Anthony next season. And if that works out look for them to add a couple of the Monstars from Space Jam.

5. They are very good. There–I said it. Or wrote it. Whatever.

You may not have noticed it, but I purposefully used the word “dislike” instead of “hate.” I don’t really hate the Miami Heat or any other sports team. I don’t even dislike them, really. I just hope the Spurs win. I don’t care that Lebron’s headbands have enough fabric in them to clothe every child in the world. It’s fine that Dwyane Wade spells his name like someone who just pulled out letters from a bag of Scrabble tiles and said, “I’ll just go with it.”

The Miami Heat are made up of guys who are created in the image of God. I hope they know the greatness of the Gospel and have repented of their sins and placed their faith in Jesus.

I used to say I hated this team or that team, but not anymore. It’s hard to hate a team made up of people you have been given a commandment to love.

Mayonnaise, on the other hand, is a different story. I hate Mayonnaise and always will.

How do you feel about the Miami Heat? What is something you hate?

(Note: The stuff about Lebron’s headbands and Dwyane Wade’s name is satire and is not to be taken seriously. Laugh a little, folks–it’s good for the soul.)




18 thoughts on “Five Reasons to Hate the Miami Heat

  1. I have been an Yankees fan all my life. My dad knew Mickey Mantle personally. I have met Mickey Mantle. I’ve got to say in all my years as a Christian I never dreamed that being a Yankees fan made me a Philistine. Who knew. I must really be some sort of trator because King David is one of my favorite Old Testament Heros.

    Your Mother-in-Law

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      • The next time I learn a blog, I hope that it doesnt disappoint me as a lot as this one. I mean, I do know it was my option to read, but I really thought youd have something interesting to say. All I hear is a bunch of whining about something that you may fix if you werent too busy on the lookout for attention.

  2. I’m not a Heat or Yankees fan (sorry, Larry Carter). I am a fan of the Phillies, the Eagles, the Bears, and the Bulls.

    What do I hate? I hate goodbyes. I hate seeing people walked over who don’t have a voice. I hate greed.

  3. I hate mayo and love the Heat! But the Spurs look absolutely dominant and will probably win this year. I highly doubt they’ll pick up Carmelo…at least not with James still on the team. My guess is he’ll be gone next season and the rest of the team will be dismantled. Then they won’t be relevant again for 10 years. Such is sports.

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