Beer and Wine at Shoney’s–What Could Go Wrong?

Once a year Shoney’s has a free Hot Fudge Cake Day. This means once a year I put on my sweatpants and hit every Shoney’s restaurant within a 100 mile radius of my house. The previous sentence isn’t true, but I have thought about it.

I’m trying to lose weight (again) which means no more Hot Fudge Cakes for me; at least for now. In fact, it is a good idea for me to stay away from Shoney’s altogether just in case their breakfast bar is out. My self-control is pretty strong, but when I see that big, beautiful pan of bacon sitting there I have great difficulty containing my gluttonous urges. Mmmmmm….bacon.

Recently I read that Shoney’s is pushing for its restaurants to serve beer and wine in order to appeal to millenials. In fact, some Shoney’s locations will also feature a full bar. As if bacon isn’t enough for every demographic. Whatever.

I’ve heard rumors about this happening for several years now, but it seems this time it is true and is possibly coming to a Shoney’s near you.

How is this going to change Shoney’s? What can you expect if you go into a Shoney’s that serves alcoholic beverages? I’m glad you asked. Here are a few possibilities:

1. A big mess. Can you imagine inebriated people trying to dish out their own food at the buffet bar? Having a few macaroni noodles swimming around in the gravy will seem nice and tidy compared to the carnage a bunch of drunks with full access to the buffet will cause. It’ll be BUFFET-MAGEDDON.

2. More Christian tracts. I don’t know about where you live, but in my town the local Shoney’s restaurant seems to be the favorite spot for Christian tract-layer-downers to lay down their Christian tracts. They’re everywhere. On the tables, in the candy dispensers, in the bathroom, on the urinals. EVERYWHERE! And if beer and wine hit the menu I expect to see more tracts there than there are fleas on a homeless hound dog. Or something like that.

3. Drunks buying rounds of Hot Fudge Cakes. This one is not so bad.

4. Epic brawls. I’ve never witnessed a barroom brawl, but I have heard about a few. You probably have, too. Now picture what you heard with a buffet bar thrown in the mix. Fried chicken will be flying everywhere.

I’m really hoping the powers-that-be at Shoney’s will have a change of heart regarding serving beer and wine in their restaurants. Why? Partly because I want people to be wise.

Wine is a mocker, strong drink is raging: and whosoever is deceived thereby is not wise.
Proverbs 20:1

You may not agree with that verse or like what it has to say. It doesn’t matter; the Bible will not change.

Plus–I bet you’ll change your mind if you’re sitting in a Shoney’s one day and the fried chicken hits the fan.

What are some other possible consequences of Shoney’s selling beer/wine? Do you like Hot Fudge Cakes? If not, what’s wrong with you?


4 thoughts on “Beer and Wine at Shoney’s–What Could Go Wrong?

  1. Unfortunately, I can’t have the hot fudge cake. I suffer from migraines when I eat or drink caffeine, and hot fudge/chocolate happens to have caffeine in it.

    If Shoney’s starts selling beer/wine, the store up the street that already sells beer/wine may sell less. This could cause them to go out of business. When they go out of business, the store’s building may become vacant. Vandals will destroy the building leaving an eye sore for the community. Over time, visitors to your community will think your town is falling apart. They will stop visiting, and the Shoney’s customer base will shrink. Eventually, they will have to close their doors – all because they decided to start selling beer/wine. 🙂

  2. I haven’t eaten at Shoney’s in at least a dozen years, but an order of liver and onions with some beer would probably hit some spot. On the floor.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s