Things I’ve Never Seen Advertised

How many advertisements has an average 30-something-year-old man seen in his lifetime?  I’m sure that there has been some research done to determine this, but I am just as sure that I don’t care enough to find out.  I do have an educated guess that employs language borrowed from my 10-year-old self: a honkin’ butt-load (HBL).  Exactly how many this is is open to interpretation (oooh, the elusive double “is”).  It is, however, much larger than a regular butt-load.

The advertisement assault continues even as the way we consume media evolves.  Those responsible seem to be a few steps ahead regardless of how rapidly things change.  I really don’t know how they do it.  Maybe they have brains that function at a higher level than the rest of the population.  Maybe they drink enough 5-hour-energy drinks to give them the ability to peer into the future.  Maybe it’s Maybelline.  Wait..that’s not right.

Even though I have seen a HBL of advertisements over my lifetime, there are several things I have never seen advertised.  Here are a few:

1.  Warm Beer.  The places that sell beer either sell beer or cold beer.  I’ve never seen a neon sign proclaiming that an establishment has “The Warmest Beer in the USA.”  I’ve never tasted beer or any other alcoholic beverage (unless Nyquil counts), but I can imagine that warm beer would not be a big seller outside of people who like the taste and temperature of urine.

2.  Snake Handling Churches.  Churches advertise through television, billboards, on-line, and a variety of other ways, but I have never seen an advertisement for a snake handling church.  I imagine it is because they like to keep what they are doing on the down low.  It may also be because church advertisements are meant to draw people to the church and one that promotes snake handling would elicit the opposite reaction.  “Come handle snakes with us–you’ll only die if you lack faith.” 

3.  Sailboat Fuel.  Think about it.

4.  Intelligent Chihuahuas.  When my wife was looking for our first and later our second chihuahua, she turned to Craigslist.  In addition to helping murderers find victims, Craigslist is an excellent place to find pets.  Some chihuahuas were billed as “excellent lap dogs,” others were advertised as being “great with children.”  None said “exceptionally intelligent” or “easy to train.”  If truth were important to the advertisers words like “spastic” or “partially-to-fully deranged” would be used.  It’s not that chihuahuas are useless, it’s just that….okay, it is that.

There aren’t any (or many) advertisements for things that do not exist or  that no one would want to buy.  This makes sense, I suppose.  There could be at least one more thing added to this list.

Me.

And it’s because no one would want to buy me.

Except for Jesus.

Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you,
whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price.
Therefore honor God with your bodies.
1 Corinthians 6:19-20

Jesus thought that I was worth purchasing so much that He gave His life for me.  I have been bought and paid for by His blood.  And if you are one of His, the same is true for you.  We may not think that we are worthy of a such a high price.  Jesus thought otherwise.

He was not swayed by the false promises of half-true advertisements.  He did what He did on purpose. 

I have been bought at a high price, so I should  honor God with all that I am.  Both because of His grace and by His grace.

(What are some other things that you have never seen advertised?  How do you feel about being bought with a price?  Share away!)