I can only think of three reasons why an established church would need new offering plates: 1.) The building and everything in it is destroyed by fire; 2.) The church building gets massively overhauled and new plates that match the new furniture are purchased; 3.) They are stolen by ignorant thieves who think that the plates are able to make money magically appear. Are there people dumb enough to believe that offering plates are magic money makers? Well–I just read that the new Big Momma movie made $17 million at the box office this weekend, so you tell me.
But what if my church did decide to get new offering plates? I’m not one to throw things away; instead, I like to think of new uses for items destined to be discarded. Here are a few suggestions for what old offering plates could become:
1. Hats for people with oddly shaped heads. My head is measured at 8 1/4, which means that for the majority of my adult life I have had a difficult time finding hats that fit me–until I found www.bigheadcaps.com. One of their taglines is “Headwear for the Cranially Endowed.” Seriously. Now I can order (almost) any hat I want. Are there people out there with big, round, flat, shallow heads? Maybe. Would any of them want a wooden, wide-brim hat? Who wouldn’t?
2. Dog/cat food bowls. I believe that there is a niche market for high-priced wooden animal dishes that were once used as offering plates. And if you’ve ever watched Confessions: Animal Hoarding, I’m sure you agree.
3. Frisbees for body builders. I’ve never seen body builders throw frisbees, but I don’t think that it is because they don’t want to. I bet it is because whenever they do throw frisbees that they toss them into outer space. Or accidentally knock airplanes out of the sky. Either way, regular frisbees are no doubt too light for their superhuman strength. Frisbees made out of solid wood, on the other hand, would probably be just right.
4. Really big ear/nose gauges. What is an ear/nose gauge? Some pictures are worth a thousand words, others are worth an “AAAAAUUUUUGGGGGHHHHHH!”
Okay, none of those were very good and that last one was really a stretch (insert your own rimshot here). It’s hard to imagine an offering plate being anything other than an offering plate. It has one purpose, one reason for which it is made. No other purpose quite suits it. We have only one primary purpose, too.
Let every thing that hath breath praise the LORD.
Psalm 150:6
We were made to glorify God.
With everything we are and everything we do.
There is no other purpose. There is no greater purpose.
Every day and in every way, He is deserving of praise.
(What other suggestions do you have for old offering plates? How/why are you praising God today?)
The Seeking Pastor 
Hmmmm, I’m think some really stylin’ hubcaps for my ride! I’m trying to raise the praise by finishing more chapters of my book today. Hoping to glorify the King by using my gifts for Him!
Thanks brp’
Hubcaps–nice. But did you end your comment with a burp 🙂
A burp? It was short for brother pastor….!
Oh–that’s good. 🙂
Potluck plates.
replacement cymbals (brass only)
drums (wood)
I like the hat idea. That’s using your noggin.
I want to serve my purpose. Thanks for the laugh.
Potluck plates–yes. It would probably make the casseroles taste even better.
That’s great. I love the idea of really massive gauges for ears! Animal bowls is good but you could double up the usage and bring out the old offering plates for your next potluck.
Yes–potluck plates. I’m kicking myself for missing that one.
Nice transtition there Matt. No doubt offering plates can only be used to collect green bills, loose coins, and white envelopes.
My church has had the same plates for years. They gave us an old one to use for the children’s ministry but I haven’t reached the point yet of asking kids to give offerings. I just leave the plate in the classroom. Strangely enough, money keeps mysteriously appearing in it. It’s like a money magnet. Or when people see it they feel compelled to empty their pockets!
Maybe they really are magical money makers.
If they are deep enough, you can add some dirt and put some seeds in there and grow a plant.
I’m praising God today, by relaxing home with my family. Yup, I said that.
Great idea and great way to praise God.
You could take all of the old church offering plates and combine them together to make The World’s Largest Offering Plate. We should probably put it in North Dakota, ya know…to give people at least one reason to go there. If people will travel to see the largest ball of twine…they’ll travel to see this.
YES!!! I love it.
Praising God by going outside. Amen!
Offering plates: 2 glued together could make for a good wheel on my son’s box-car. Maybe.
Outside is good–it’s a little windy here, though.
The plates would probably make for a bumpy ride, but aren’t boxcars supposed to have bumpy rides?
Popcorn bowls? I never seem to have one of those available and I’m always elbow deep in the bag with butter all over my arms.
Not bad, but I’m afraid that the butter would stain the felt at the bottom of the plate.
Targets for low budget skeet shooting?
Redneck style–awesome.
Could I score 4 off of you to use them as hubcaps? Wooden hubcaps would be AWESOME.
The opposite of bling-bling. It would be pretty sweet.
I thought my head was huge. 7-5/8 🙂
I think they would be good for Ninja Stars. Of course the Ninja would have to be a giant, but I think it could work.
There should be a movie about giant ninjas. It would be better than the Big Momma movies.
Teenage mutant ninja giant turtles.
As long as there was a giant Splinter and a giant Shredder to go along with them.
And a giant Amazonian April. Wait, what?
lol.
YES!
Dang, I have a big head. Probably 8-1/2. I’m going to sulk now.
Don’t sulk–embrace your big-headedness. Use it for good.
Great! Now when kids go sledding with trash can tops, they can bring their cats and puppies sledding, too. Offering plate sleds.
My chihuahuas would love this if they weren’t terrified of the snow.
That’s funny you say that. My parents up in NC have a chihuahua and he loves the snow. I think chihuahuas have a ton of personality.
Yes–in a psychotic sort of way.
You are SO right! We have a long-haired chihuahua… We think he’s depressed… and he doesn’t know he’s a dog.
Awww–bless his heart 🙂
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Hi Matt, I don’t know if I’m cool enough to pull off the nose ring, but I could use the funky shaped head plate. Send em my way if you got em. 🙂
I’ll keep you in mind 🙂
Candy bowls
Mmmmm-candy.
Speed bumps for those that are in a rush to get out of the church parking lot.
I don’t think it would help much–some of those folks are in a huge hurry.
And most have 4x4s, lol
Yeah–to go muddin’ in after the service.
Art. These days we decorate everything and put it on the wall. You could probably sell them at an arts and crafts fair.
Yes–people at those fairs will buy anything.
… looking for old myrtlewood plates for sale? I am a retired SBC minister and looking for one to send my brother who is the retired pastor FBC Berlin, Ohio. Thanks.